Thankful

There are always things to be thankful for.

I had read that people were starting family pods during this homeschool situation; where they hire a teacher for a small group of their children to have a very small private school sort of experience.

It allows children to still be social, allows for an accredited teacher to make sure they are where they need to be, and ensures that there is limited exposure since it is the same small group coming together day after day.

It’s a luxury that I didn’t give any more thought to after reading about it. Except now my youngest has been invited to join one. These families know my financial position and have let me join with no cost. It’s a blessing I never anticipated but one I am so very grateful for.

The little one has suffered greatly from lack of socializing and online school is obviously online and honestly she just doesn’t need any more screen time in her life. I’m seriously tortured by how much she has now, already.

And I cried when they invited us to join. A school mate’s mom is a teacher and she has space in her home to make a classroom. So 3 days a week for about 5 hours a day they will meet to have class. I hope it works out for everyone. I also hope they’ll let me help or contribute in some way.

I was so excited I called my mom. Which I should have known was going to be a mistake. She asked a few questions and then I heard the envy bordering on anger in her voice as she dismissed the whole thing. As if to say no one every helped her when she was in my position and she wasn’t happy for me.

I know how hard she had it. No family around, no friends, never one to ask for help, even when she needed it. My father never even paid child support. She put herself through night school to get her master’s degree and tried to care for me as best she could.

Her job while stable never promoted her because she was a female, let alone a black female in a very traditional Japanese owned company. She even had to train her male superiors at various points because she knew their job so well.

I don’t let her bitterness get to me. I don’t take it personal. I know she loves me in her own way, at least that’s what I choose to believe.

I guess the silver lining is that it makes it really easy to find comedy in it when people insult me. Because, as I told some random Domme that didn’t like my stances on various things when I first started my blog.

“I’ve been told much worse by people I actually care about. So if your intention is to hurt me you’ll have to try much harder. I’m just being myself here, trying to be honest and real and if you don’t like what I’m saying, feel free to move along.”

And she did. Probably because she saw that I’m not easily baited and I really didn’t give a crap about what she had to say.

So having a bitter, judgemental mom that can’t show affection in any way comes in handy for something. And I’m still grateful for her. She is who she is and I accept her that way. What’s the option? Hate her, ignore her, put her in her place?

Nope. That’s not me. She is my mother and I will always respect her. That’s she’s never been capable of being who I needed her to be is something I’ve learned to forgive her for, even though she’s never asked for it and never will. I never intend on bringing it up. She is who she is for a reason. Aren’t we all? 🤷🏽‍♀️

🌈🌏✌🏽🥰🤗❣️💋

And it’s the first. Rent day. So grateful for that too. Hoping that makes life a little more bearable.

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

7 thoughts on “Thankful”

    1. You have been writing for YEARS how much you don’t like me. Oh it’s her fault for this and it’s her fault for that. YOU are the reason I’m angry and bitter and you constantly give the love and kindness I should get to everyone but me. There has never been any support or care at all. Everyone else is gorgeous, everyone else is special. You write trash about me and you never bother to stop and see how your dismissal and you picking everyone else over me has caused this problem. You wrote that you don’t like me. Why? Because I’m hurt that you are so goddamn mean? Because you won’t be kind to me and I’m a jerk for expecting it? Because I asked you to stop with the whores and you don’t because you love to make me scream and cry? Why do you dislike me? I have done nothing but try to be your friend and try to get love in return. You have rejected me in every possible way and you are still projecting because you refuse to change and refuse to do the shadow work to see why this is always a mess. If you tell another woman they are beautiful and special and you are there for them and will talk to them when you know you have never been kind to me then how else would I take it? The shoe isn’t on the other foot. No one is put before you but you act like your freedom is being removed when a good man wouldn’t want to flirt with another woman if he was in love. A good man wouldn’t do that but you do thst every day. You have never had anything nice to say to me. It’s always someone else who gets your love and respect and I get nothing but mean post saying you don’t care if I die or that you don’t like me. There is nothing about me that is unlikeable you are simply projecting who you are onto me and hating me when you should hate you. You should hate the horrible way you behave. Full of lies and meanness and manipulation. I’m not the one being fake or using a billion different accounts. I’m not the one icing you out while praising your competition. I’m not the one doing mean stuff to hurt you but every day you go out of your way to put me down while praising everyone else. How the fuck would you feel if that happened to you? You don’t even care because we both know that has never happened to you.

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      1. That’s a lot of negative energy.

        I always find it’s usually those pointing the finger that most need to shut up from all the complaining and whining and learn about self reflection.

        This rant is such a waste of time.

        Like

    2. I totally get that. I’m sorry. I don’t like mine much either, but I do love her.

      Good parents are fundamental to the growth and well being of a child and not having that foundation is a huge barrier to overcome.

      Not sure how you coped. I’m not sure how I did either honestly.

      I think there are scars I’ll never heal, but such is life. Isn’t it?

      Liked by 2 people

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