There are always things to be thankful for.
I had read that people were starting family pods during this homeschool situation; where they hire a teacher for a small group of their children to have a very small private school sort of experience.
It allows children to still be social, allows for an accredited teacher to make sure they are where they need to be, and ensures that there is limited exposure since it is the same small group coming together day after day.
It’s a luxury that I didn’t give any more thought to after reading about it. Except now my youngest has been invited to join one. These families know my financial position and have let me join with no cost. It’s a blessing I never anticipated but one I am so very grateful for.
The little one has suffered greatly from lack of socializing and online school is obviously online and honestly she just doesn’t need any more screen time in her life. I’m seriously tortured by how much she has now, already.
And I cried when they invited us to join. A school mate’s mom is a teacher and she has space in her home to make a classroom. So 3 days a week for about 5 hours a day they will meet to have class. I hope it works out for everyone. I also hope they’ll let me help or contribute in some way.
I was so excited I called my mom. Which I should have known was going to be a mistake. She asked a few questions and then I heard the envy bordering on anger in her voice as she dismissed the whole thing. As if to say no one every helped her when she was in my position and she wasn’t happy for me.
I know how hard she had it. No family around, no friends, never one to ask for help, even when she needed it. My father never even paid child support. She put herself through night school to get her master’s degree and tried to care for me as best she could.
Her job while stable never promoted her because she was a female, let alone a black female in a very traditional Japanese owned company. She even had to train her male superiors at various points because she knew their job so well.
I don’t let her bitterness get to me. I don’t take it personal. I know she loves me in her own way, at least that’s what I choose to believe.
I guess the silver lining is that it makes it really easy to find comedy in it when people insult me. Because, as I told some random Domme that didn’t like my stances on various things when I first started my blog.
“I’ve been told much worse by people I actually care about. So if your intention is to hurt me you’ll have to try much harder. I’m just being myself here, trying to be honest and real and if you don’t like what I’m saying, feel free to move along.”
And she did. Probably because she saw that I’m not easily baited and I really didn’t give a crap about what she had to say.
So having a bitter, judgemental mom that can’t show affection in any way comes in handy for something. And I’m still grateful for her. She is who she is and I accept her that way. What’s the option? Hate her, ignore her, put her in her place?
Nope. That’s not me. She is my mother and I will always respect her. That’s she’s never been capable of being who I needed her to be is something I’ve learned to forgive her for, even though she’s never asked for it and never will. I never intend on bringing it up. She is who she is for a reason. Aren’t we all? 🤷🏽♀️
And it’s the first. Rent day. So grateful for that too. Hoping that makes life a little more bearable.