I recognize that to a small minority of people weight has no bearing. Wish that we lived in the era where being fat was seen as a sign of opulence and prestige. Of course that was only true in China (I believe) and only because the rest of the population was dying of starvation, so only royalty and people of great wealth had the opportunity to be fat and they exercised it.
But to most of the world, especially in the US, being fat is seen as slovenly and unhealthy. Although I know plenty of horribly unhealthy thin people but that’s still the perception. And there is definitely a disrespect given to fat people.
Not to say if there wasn’t I would enjoy being fat. But I really hate that we live in a world so focused on what’s on the outside, when what truly counts is a person’s heart and soul and how they treat you and make you feel; their courage, valor, integrity and compassion.
It’s not like I’m being social right now or going many places. But I do still need to reign it in here pretty soon before absolutely none of my clothes fit, not even my stretchy leggings. At that point it will be a financial inconvenience as well. And it isn’t healthy. This I also know.
It’s not that I’m eating more food. It’s that I’m eating worse food. I’m eating a lot of junk food and sweets and fried foods; comfort foods. I’m eating far too much gluten and dairy too, which under other circumstances I try to strictly avoid. But I’ve lowered my expectations of myself during this pandemic.
But between my hypothyroidism, low blood pressure, borderline anemia and notoriously slow metabolism I already have the deck stacked against me. In fact, the only time I have been able to maintain a decent weight has been from being hyper-vigilant of my diet and exercising consistently, even multiple times a day at some points.
The thing is, except for running I really need to be around other people exercising to feel encouraged. When I would go to hot yoga I would give a silent thanks to the people there for showing up, not for them, but for me. Lol
When I would walk into the gym and get a whiff of sweat I would smile knowing I would be joining them. Even in my introversion I still enjoy and thrive off communal activities.
It’s like when I did the breathwork workshop a few weeks ago. About half way through I wanted to quit. It would have been so easy to just log off and go about my life as if nothing. It was a zoom meeting and we all went dark to allow for privacy while the music played loudly. Except we were all going to check back in at the end. Parts of that hour felt so excruciating, but I hung on, and it was so worthwhile to do so.
I broke through on a few things I needed to see and some internal struggles I hadn’t noticed I was even fighting.
That’s the same at the gym. I would go and commit to working out and sometimes it was hard but seeing others there inspired me to keep going and I was appreciative of that. I truly was.
I do miss being part of the larger world around me. Not that I’m not and I know we are all going through these same struggles right now, but each in our own way.
What a strange time, isn’t it? But we are all in this together and that gives me great comfort.
And I’m so truly thankful we are in a space in time where we can at least connect in this way.
I can reach out in a virtual way and you can reach back.
Maybe when things settle down I’ll start writing letters and having the girls do artwork to send to friends and family. Just a little reminder that we are here and connected, no matter what’s happening around us. Maybe we can even start writing to seniors.
And when things do settle down a bit I need to learn to motivate myself without outside forces to help.
I can use this time in life to better myself or I can keep falling prey to my own vices and weaknesses. The option is truly mine.
May God bless us all in these hard times❣️