I know I’ve been quiet on the subject of my sex life, but I have been busy trying to find my bearings.
Brad and I have cooled things off significantly and are actually getting along better and I don’t want anything more than what we have now. We text a little, talk some days and see each other one day a week and not even for sleepovers, just sex and fun.
He is being very nice to me. He’s even paying for my tires and brakes, which I didn’t ask him to do. I am enjoying this exactly as it is and he knows it’s not going to be more. Less if it needs to be, none if it comes down to it, but not more….and we are leaving it at that.
In the role he plays for me sexually he is Daddy and that fulfills one aspect of my desires.
But there is another part of me that is starting to awaken again.
I was remembering tonight how much I yearned for Kurt. How he awakened this animalistic desire that made me want to ravage him. Pegging him was so awesomely satisfying. Just thinking of it makes me salivate. That intense need to take him, to make him mine, to fuck him and watch his body react to my pace, to my force, to my plunging into him. I would sometimes literally snarl and growl in passion and desire.
I so long for that again, not particularly with him though. He was a bit of an emotional nightmare; it’s more that feeling itself I long to feel again.
And I haven’t felt the pull of this desire for such a very long time it seems. I’m not going to do anything with it yet. I think I’ll let it keep building. I do have one person I think I’d like to reach out to eventually to see if he would like to play with me in that way. I think he would be great fun. But we shall see.
I know my requirements for the level of honesty, vulnerability and transparency I need are not that easy to come by.
But….I’m not really making any plans right now. I have an intense month ahead of me.
I’m just pleasantly surprised to be feeling these feelings again. To be thinking of fulfilling these desires again.
Life can take so many interesting turns. Can’t it?
Im just happy to be here for the ride.