In pain still but alright. Bladder infection confirmed, antibiotics ready to be picked up. Although I think the tablespoon of apple cider vinegar in a glass of water 3 times a day and drinking as much colloidal silver as I could has helped significantly enough to where I may not even need the antibiotics. I’ll still pick them up just in case.
It’s funny how my just in case has left me with quite an arsenal of antibiotics already. Generally speaking I go to the western medicine doctors to find out and confirm what I actually have. Even when I suspect and am pretty sure; I know it’s good to actually test sometimes. But I started my own protocols as soon as I was not feeling well and I think that helped enough to bolster my immune system significantly.
Next weekend I plan on going to the Mexican market and taking down the name of all the plants and herbs they sell. Then I’ll know what they are used for. We are so very lucky to have plant medicines available to us. It’s what’s been used for millennia after millennia and I don’t discount western medicine. I just hate it’s disregard for natural health and it’s toxic arrogance.
Anyway….busy day today. eBay shipping. Have to drive to Beaverton for a huge supply of packing peanuts.
My mom did my taxes for me for free. I can’t believe it. She’s never done that before. She let me input all the numbers on her software once and signed it. That was free. But never the whole thing. That was really nice of her and saved me at least $350. Even doing it myself with turbo tax cost me almost that much last year, by the time I opted for a review and insurance.
Last night I was home feeling sorry for myself. I watched Secondhand Lions. It was good, I liked it a lot. I surrounded myself with all the junk food I could find in the house and just moped.
I wanted to be pampered and baby’d. I wanted to be taken care of. But I knew Brad didn’t have it in him and who else could I call? He can fix my car, mow my lawn, buy me groceries and fuck me until the cows come home; but emotional support is not in his wheelhouse at all. If he would have come over I would have been catering to him and not vise versa. What good is that?
I really, genuinely like taking care of people. I always have. It’s why I like colon hydrotherapy so much. I have a strong urge to nurture, help, guide and love. It’s why when my kids were away I felt the need to go feed the homeless. It’s why before I had kids I did all the volunteer work I could. It’s an innate part of who I am and who I need to be.
But the point comes when I want and need someone to nurture me, and while it doesn’t come around all that often it is still a need I deserve to have met. That I have no one to do that for me is a bit sad, but at least I have no road blocks towards finding it. I am open now to the possibilities. Whether that be a community of great friends, a soulmate or something or someone I can’t even imagine right now. I have hope I will find it, someone or somewhere my needs are met.
I have me. I have my kids. I am at a place where I feel expansive and ready for whatever lies ahead.
I know in life, we are never alone and we are never the sole masters of our destiny. There are always people and circumstances out of our vantage that are helping move the cogs of our journey. I am hopeful that the future will be benevolent to me and my children. And hope right now is the greatest elixir of all for me.
God bless us all!