We broke up again….again!!
Suppose it was inevitable. We can’t seem to get along for any extended period of time. Not sure what made us think we could live together.
I, of course, blame him for having the emotional maturity of a cantaloupe. He, I’m sure, blames me for being hypersensitive. I’m sure the truth is in there somewhere.
The pressure of possibly making a bad choice by moving in with him was a lot to handle. So this, oddly enough, actually takes a lot of stress off of me. Plan B is a bust. But at least it doesn’t mean having to be beholden to a man that likes to keep score and hang things over my head; intentionally or not. 🙄
It also takes pressure off of him. He was going to have to make some serious accomodations for us; even move out of his own bedroom to do so. It was a lot to ask, but it felt necessary, and now it isn’t. It’s all done with.
Strangely I feel better, calmer. I don’t have any plan B now. But no matter. I’ll just keep going moment by moment, day by day. Guess we will see what’s on the other side of this eventually.
Will we actually stay broken up this time? Well… who knows? I wouldn’t mind having sex with him here and there. A sex buddy is always fun to have. But right this moment I really don’t care.
Cruel as it may sound, I have a feeling I’ll sleep well tonight.
💋🥰💤🙏🏽🌏🌈❣️✌🏽🤗
All this guy wants is an easy fuck
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He has done a lot to help me. He has been there for me when no one else was. I know he loves me. He has a lot of really great qualities. But he also has some pretty glaringly bad ones. I’ve depended on him a lot over the last (almost) 2 years now. I think the things I needed to learn about myself to heal from my childhood trauma would have never been revealed without his (unknowingly) helping.
He simply isn’t the soft cloud of love that I need in life. It has taken me 47 years to figure out what I truly want and being truly okay alone if I never find it. And that in and of itself is priceless. Long overdue but at least it’s here now. Lol
But…..in his defense…..who doesn’t like a good, easy fuck? Lol
But I’m not that easy. I really am not. I am a lot of great things; kind, smart blah blah blah, but easy isn’t one of them. I can be very demanding. I have expectations. He tried. We both tried. Way too much for way too long.
It’s fine though. I’m fine. Life goes on.
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Sigh, you are in love, and perhaps he isn’t. Stay on your pink cloud just as long as you can. 💓💖💞💝💕❤
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Oh no! That’s not what I wanted to hear. In love? Ugghhhh. I don’t have the clarity to understand this all yet. Maybe I am. I know I love him. But I live myself more. I love my kids more. I love my life more. And that’s what’s going to keep me afloat. Even if I find myself once again with no one to depend on. 🥺🥺🥺
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Sometime bad choices are needed to be made my dear. It’s apart of us and it is how we learn. We learn from our mistakes, but often we find in life we can make a lot of bad choices but it also makes us stronger sweety. Loved the content!
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Thanks. Honestly I can forgive myself for most all my mistakes in life, but dragging my kids through my mistakes is a much harder pill to swallow. They are learning by my example much more than j am teaching them by my words. And while I’m not sure that’s incentive enough to stop being a fuck-up when it comes to relationships it’s probably the best incentive I have right now.
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I heard somewhere, “If you have a Plan B, you will probably use it.” Meaning your Plan A leaves something to be desired. Go through the particulars of staying in your house. How can you strengthen that plan?
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I’m trying every angle I can right now. Still looking into disaster relief loans. I’ll just put more energy into it and “strengthen my plans” as much as I can. Thanks David!! 🥰🤗💋
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I am thinking about you. Hugs
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🤗
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