Another boring dream / the uncertainty of the future

I was with two women. One was a sister and one seemed to be a mentor. They were both pissed at me. We had come from the mall where there were lots of fun, carnival type games. I had won 3 large stuffed bears.

Somehow I had also been affiliated with Vogue and they were sending a man dressed in drag from People magazine to hang out with me. It was some kind of honor and I found it funny. The entire thing to me was such nonsense and just game playing on levels I didn’t care for. Not the people but the whole prestige thing.

But then I realized that the women were proud of the accomplishments I had done with my life and that while they seemed nonsensical to me that it meant something to them and they wished I would take it more seriously.

So I ironed my wrinkled black dress that looked like it had been stuck at the bottom of a drawer for 3 years and went to the event and the joy I got from them being happy was enough and I saw that even if I didn’t understand the whole thing I could still be proud of it and show pride in myself.


Although to me personally the upkeep of physical appearance has never been a show of true pride and love of oneself, but most people tend to disagree with me on that.

Except I’ve seen plenty of people that can’t stand their lives or seemingly themselves and still dress pretty dapper. πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ


Well…… I am kicking myself a bit for not taking the loan modification terms last month. Except at the time it didn’t look like I would be getting a stimulus check and accepting the terms would also mean I’d have to move out so I could rent the house out. And with rents going down renting it out would just barely cover the mortgage. Plus where would I go? I have no job, no income, and bad credit. Yea. People are lining up to be part of that solution. πŸ™„

Plus all the things I’d have to fix and clean and moving/storage expenses and first and last. I would be broke, but could have potentially saved my investment. I say potentially because I don’t know who is moving during this time and what the demand is for rentals here, when the good schools are the biggest draw in the area and they are closed. Lol

Well….good thing uncertainty doesn’t faze me very much. After a long life of it, it’s just par for the course. But it’s a mixed bag. I want for my children nothing more than safety and stability. But I would also like to be able to keep my house and business. I withdrew every penny from my 401k and invested it and my entire divorce settlement there and if that goes I have nothing to show and nothing to fall back on.

But… regardless of what happens I have learned a lot, grown a lot, built a career I am truly proud of and good at, as well as proved to myself that I still have a fighting spirit….and that’s not nothing. That’s not nothing at all.

I guess we will see what happens. I’m not anxious to leave Oregon. I’ve grown quite fond of it. My mother has told me she will put a yurt up in her backyard for us, if it comes to it. Which although a funny thought isn’t the worst thing I’ve heard. A long extension cord, heater and WiFi and why not? Lol

Brad has told me we are welcome at his house, but I know what he says and what he means aren’t always correlated. He is very set in his ways and my gaggle of girls and pets is a handful for anyone to handle.

My ex seems to think he can maybe have them, but that will absolutely not happen, no matter what. Legally he is entitled to two nights a week, which he has started to enforce for the first time since our divorce and that has me riddled with enough anxiety as it is. So yea….no thanks.

No easy solution. But I’ll keep at it. I may have a few leads on local doctors that want a colon hydrotherapist in their clinic. I could (not so easily or cheaply) move my equipment into their business. That may be the boon I need. It would also be really nice to work with a doctor who can then also script out colon implants: probiotics, coffee, electrolytes, vitamin infusions, antibiotics*. Which are so much more effective than orally, on par if not even more effective than IV therapy as well because it goes directly to your immune system, blood system and lymphatic system with no barriers.

I understand why people are so apprehensive about colon therapy, but the benefits are so astronomical and it’s such an easy therapy. It’s more a mental block for people than anything. The process itself is completely pain free and gentle, not that it can’t be sometimes uncomfortable. But I’ll take “Health Benefits for one thousand, Trebec” over fear any day.

Ho hum. Life goes on.



*Maybe even fecal matter transplants. πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈ

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

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