I have been surrounded by very selfish people my entire life; parentals, caretakers, friends, romantic partners, children. The list is extensive. Generally, being the accommodating person I am, I’ve bent for them. But….. the time has come to bend no more.
Unfortunately, most of these situations are familial. But even still, I am done being the one that always gives in. I am done feeling bad for making people upset that truly have no right to be upset at me in the first place. I am done setting my feelings aside to console people who don’t understand my needs and happiness.
Selfish people don’t realize their demands can be fairly outrageous; even when you point it out. They don’t realize the strain they put on people because their default is to think of themselves first, second and third. They don’t usually realize the impositions they are causing because they only see things in terms of what they want and nothing else.
These people are fairly easy to spot:
1) They will often accuse others of having alterior motives when they are being nice. This is because that is how they traverse in the world so they think everyone else does this as well.
2) They will press to get their way, and resort to lies, manipulation, compliments, any and all tactics they can with little regard for the hardship of others, logic, laws, or any other deterrents presented to them.
3) They often don’t even realize they are being manipulative and not only believe their own lies but quite conveniently even forget telling them and will deny them vehemently when confronted.
4) They will build you up or tear you down to suit their own needs. Almost everything they say and do is for a reason; a gain. You are a means to an end and nothing more.
5) Selfish people for the most part don’t really love themselves. So it stand to reason that they can not, do not and will not ever love you. And there is no”fixing” them.
6) They can be quite charismatic, fun, funny and sweet when they want to be; especially at the beginning. They have a keen sense of their marks and know how to approach them, what to say, even how to say it.
7) They have a very distinct and gutting way of making you feel guilty when you don’t give in to them. They can turn conversations around easily so you’re unsure of yourself and get manipulated into thinking you have done something very wrong and must rectify it or make amends immediately.
8) They love to hold things over your head. Whether it’s something good they did for you. Something negative you did towards them. Their arsenal is always readily available and they absolutely love to keep tabs. Granted that only the incidents that serve them are the ones counted though.
Being in a relationship with a selfish person is, quite frankly, exhausting. The emotionally abusive patterns they navigate within are toxic. And I am absolutely done pandering to them. I don’t care who they are. I don’t care what the pecking order is. I don’t care what I stand to lose. I am done. So absolutely done with it.