Last night I had a rough night sleep. In truth I think it was because I managed to do an hour of moderate yoga and my muscles were releasing lactic acid all night. I woke up with a headache and sore muscles. It was worth it, but I may need to start with lighter exercise. After all, it has been almost two years since I’ve had a daily exercise routine.
So as I was tossing and turning and trying to stay positive; I laid in bed and let myself feel so very, truly grateful for the simplicity of my warm blankets, in my soft bed, in my cozy house. Gratitude (usually) has the added benefit or effect of making me happy.
Then I wondered what if I am wrong? What if most people aren’t really “good, decent human beings”? What if most people are really just complacent? And it’s the fraction of people on both extremes of the spectrum of good/bad that are the ones making the real difference in the world. And everyone else is just in their little cacoon; trying to maintain or improve their own selfish little status quo life.
That was a stark thought I’m not sure I’ve fully worked through. I suppose the best solved conundrums within ourselves are the ones we’ve truly looked at all sides of before coming to a solid conclusion about.
I was also thinking that I need to believe that I am worthy; truly worthy of the love I seek, and stop settling. I suppose even if that means I’m completely alone at least I will be authentic and honest about my deepest desires. And I can see that as whatever I want to see that as. It doesn’t have to be good or bad. It just is. And if I’m wrong, I’m wrong.
Oh well. Lol
It’s fine. But for now I’d rather have faith in humanity. I’d rather have hope for good things to come. I’d rather be true to me. And whatever comes of that. So be it.