I just jolted awake from a dream
I generally don’t have nightmares but I had a rich and excessively heavy meal tonight. It will be the last of its kind. I want to try to go healthy this quarantine. Learn to cook healthy (while still cheaply) once and for all. Seems an oxymoron to me but we all just had a decent piece of meat (which isn’t exactly cheap either). 🤷🏽♀️. IDK, but I’d love to try to go vegan even maybe.
I woke up because I was being chased. There was something about moving downwards through a maze of steps like labyrinth trying to get somewhere important and yet taking into account I had to be careful because I may be putting some people in jeopardy (elderly people came to mind) with every step.
I was being followed by this group of people. One man was in charge and he caught up to me. He had his hands around my neck and was choking me out. I was scared but I knew I was right. I was right. And I screamed out my truth, so very loud so everyone could hear it. And I thought to myself I am tired of being a prim and proper lady in this life. I am ready to scream. When he gets mad the whole world knows, just like the people watching him try to kill me now with his rage fully intact and no guilt, toning it down or fear of displaying it.
So I yelled, and spoke loud and clear, I spoke what I knew to be true and he loosened his grip as people turned to stare and all of a sudden I wasn’t just surrounded by his cronies. I was surrounded by people that cared. I think mostly all strangers but none the less they gave a fuck and watched with curiosity and the intent to do something, say something themselves. And I took the opportunity of the commotion and him letting go of me to run away.
Even the person that hits on an opportunity needs to know when to call it a day I guess, especially when you seem cornered beyond relief. Lol
I’ve been wondering so much where life will take us after this. I don’t know honestly. I haven’t a clue. I wish we could stay here. I wish I could keep the girls safe and with me always. The beauty of this place is so breathtaking and magical. I mean, I literally drove through the end of a rainbow the other day.
But, like I was just told today by a very spiritual man. Something to the effect of the fact that sometimes the plainest things can be deeply magical. I have to learn to let go of dreams sometimes and just follow where life takes me, happily.
I suppose when you look with your heart and not just your eyes things can maybe look a bit different than just at first glance.
Truthfully, I’ve learned and grown so much as a person here that I’m absolutely not the same person I was when we first moved here 6 years ago. I am so very much different than that woman was. Even though, at the same time my life here has been marked by such difficult and dire circumstances. And while I have never much minded my own difficulties in life so much, it’s harder when it’s that of others, especially those you love so deeply.
Well……. I still have no idea what the future holds. I’d love more than anything to just keep my business and the house and girls here but happier maybe. Except those all feel like so many impossible dreams layered together. All is possible with God and destiny. If it’s meant to be it will be. Right?
This is my prayer, that I can have this dream come true……… or maybe even something better.