I prefer not to look at life in terms of good vs bad. I don’t like to paint myself into a corner and bemoan what ails me. Instead I try to look at the bright side as much as possible, be as grateful as I can muster up to be and see things as either needing action or not needing action (on my part). That’s it. Nothing more really.
I have 6 days to sign my loan modification terms or deny them. If I accept I have 11 days to make my first very large payment. I’m not afraid of my first payment, or the one after. I am concerned of my ability to pay down the road and I am trying not to panic about it. I am trying to just press forward.
But these are quite disquieting times we are going through. Jill said she would officially lay me off so I could collect unemployment. I’m not sure what the criteria is for unemployment benefits but I’m sure I probably won’t meet it.
If I blow through my entire savings trying to save my house and still end up loosing it down the line I will be in a worse position then, than I am now. If that makes sense. I really need to talk to someone that understands finances and small businesses. I am just unsure who that would be. Maybe I’ll reach out to Score again. See if I can have a virtual conference with a mentor and we can go over the numbers, options and the possibilities.
I haven’t really discussed this with anyone. I’ve been trying to hide my anxiousness from everyone, even Brad and especially the kids. I know stress eats away at your immune system so I’m sure that isn’t helping me right now either.
I’m not letting it permeate my every thought or impede me from the things I have to do. But when I do start thinking of it a dark cloud forms over my head that I then have to work at blowing away.
On the plus side, my protocols are doing a good job of keeping my liver pain at bay. Except last time I passed out, and went to the ER I had no symptoms or pain at all. I only had extreme fatigue and dizziness which is a lot like what I’ve been feeling all week. I have an appointment with my naturopath scheduled the first week in April. Maybe we can figure something out. Until then I think I’ll try a few things out.
Today is the last day of all these clients. I had 6 but I cancelled one. I really can’t handle a 10+ hour day right now.
So…… that’s it. I’m hoping I can get some insight and clarity soon. Figure out something I can feel comfortable about going forward and not something that will leave me with the anticipation of many stressful days ahead. I’m not sure what that could be. Right now I think a lot of people find themselves in a strange situation economically.
I personally don’t see how two payments of $1000 or $1250 is really going to help people. I guess if you have a lot of adults in your house it could. But I think it would be much more beneficial to curtail all mortgage payments for 6 months*. And by extension all rental payments, even on commercial properties. That would help small business owners and the general public much more IMO. But I’m not the big cheese. I’m just a tiny mouse holding on tight to my little speck of bread.
I guess we shall see. Being that no tomorrow is ever guaranteed. I’m just going to breath and hope for ease…. for everyone.