I had this fantasy in my head last night. It was Brad and I, but the dynamic was one we play at every single time we are together now; every single time. I still feel pangs of guilt from it. Even though no one is harmed by these fantasies and we don’t use anyone besides ourselves in our role playing. Lessons learned there. 😬😬😬
Frankly, this isn’t something I wanted to be aroused by, but I am and I’ve chosen to embrace it. I’m not sure how closely this mimics being aroused by thoughts of homosexuality to someone who really doesn’t want to be homosexual. But one can’t really help what ones body responds to and one can’t help that something that traumatized one still lingers inside, causing unintended consequences.
I do want to get back into Domme’ing soon. But right now I’m really going to work on getting my mind, body and spirit aligned. I want to be healthy on the inside; spiritually healthy above all. I think that once I can fully let go of the past, open up and heal all the nooks and crannies of my subconscious those desires may fade; buy I also have to accept that they may not.
And I am allowed a rich sexual life. I have plenty of other things to cross off my bucket list. Brad is pursuing a boy toy on FetLife for us to play with and possibly him play alone with as well. He is also thinking of selling his house and buying an RV. I’m all for it. It will allow him financial freedom. But his daughter and nieces may have a conniption. They all (rightfully) love his house and have dibs on it, I’m sure.
But the strain of not working and having all those bills and maintenance is getting to be too much for him and with his back still very bad who can blame him for wanting to make drastic changes. I still think he needs to think it through a bit more. He can’t just park it at Walmart full time and I doubt my city will let him park it in front of my house as a living space. But one thing at a time. Lol. Those are not my decisions to make for him. So 🤷🏽♀️.
Meanwhile….I’m still working on getting a doctor on board to help me with my business. We shall see. The medical field right now is having a field day and doctor’s and naturopaths are in high demand.
I’ve decided to work through this pandemic, but I do hope I can at least get rectal probiotics into people to naturally and much more effectively (than oral) boost their immune system. Hopefully I can get that set up next week. Working on it. Asking for ease.
God bless us all.