My life seems to be evolving into a place where sex isn’t a priority. I guess, after being in a basically sexless marriage for 15 years I ricocheted pretty intensely into overdrive. But I’ll be 4 years divorced in a few short months and I’ve healed and transformed a lot since then. So much so, that I can see pretty clearly that I have a lot more road left ahead of me still.
And I think I’m getting to a place where things have shifted for me towards a more spiritual path. Not to say I don’t still want and enjoy sex. If I had a partner handy I’d be having sex daily, if possible. But, the intensity of it is waning. Maybe this is just an ebb. Who knows? I’m ok with it though. Especially because it turns off the “boy crazy” in me and let’s me focus more on myself.
I’m really not thrilled with the difficulties and struggles in my life, but I am happy with where I am going on a personal level. I see the issues I am dealing with. I see my own errors and fragmented thinking around my current and past trauma. And I have a better sense for what I want for myself. I just don’t have the map for getting there. Will I ever? I don’t know.
The realization came to me today that I would be perfectly content leaving this business behind and focusing on energy healing and finding my own version of Zen or Nirvana. But how to do so financially is more murk on the already fuzzy landscape that is my financial solvency.
I can’t say where any of this is going. But all the same….
I’m happy to be here.