I really do. It’s my personal mantra to not complain. For one, I don’t really see the benefit. Secondly, no one wants to hear it, and that generally includes myself. Thirdly, why bother? Is there really nothing else more positive to say or do? I mean, of all the things possible, complaining just seems the most basic (and yes I do mean that in a derogatory sense).
But even with all this said I do sometimes see that it does feel good to get things off one’s chest. It feels good to put into words one’s frustrations and let them out of the body and mind to hopefully be free of it. Ideally that is, and that I do see benefit to.
I’ve had a few challenging days and clients this week. Some of the clients I have had the most enjoyment getting to know, have now finished their series and I don’t expect to see them again for a bit of time. (Assuming I keep my house and business, would potentially be next year. As I told them to come for maintenance yearly or another detox as needed.)
Yesterday I had a client come in that I could barely keep in their session. They were not having an easy time of it. So we cut the session early. I try to go at least 45 minutes, ideally to a full hour. Some of my colleagues don’t go anywhere near the full hour, yet because I see the benefit of it and want to give clients the most for their money I try to make it a point. I have the luxury of doing that because I set my own schedule and it is my own business.
But I could not get this client to stay on and I obviously can’t and don’t want to force anyone. So then they text me later asking if they can make up that time for free with another session. And while I am so grateful for the work and these Eastern European clients have so many wonderful qualities, there have been some difficulties for me. Like here, having to explain that this was not my fault and that I use all the same materials and have to clean the equipment the same whether someone is on 5, 30 or 60 minutes and that this was not feasible is not easy for me. My impulse and desire is to do what people ask of me.
But I’m having to set some boundaries and yet still bend much more than I’m used to. Because once word for mouth between them got out that I do tummy work and foot reflexology and have free beverages and a sauna available in my studio it’s been a bit difficult for me. Sometimes three people will show up for one person’s appointment and all want free services. They want drinks and time in the sauna and to talk to me and it’s a lot of energy and output on my part…. and it is wearing me a bit thin; my feet hurt, my supplies are being exhausted, my stamina is waning.
Most of them are very nice about it but still. Then too, this doctor is sending me clients (particularly men) that don’t want to be here. They seem completely opposed to my services and having to deal with their attitude and disregard is exhausting as well. I have been having to turn away clients to accommodate everyone, even my own regulars and for them to be so disrespectful is a bit unacceptable to me. Like if you don’t want to be here, then I really don’t want you here…. so go.
It’s all fine. This will be done soon. I guess yesterday what finally just snapped me a bit was this older mother who did nothing but complain the entire session and beyond….. because she was in my space for nearly 3 hours (having come with another client). So I had to continually hear her sob stories, but it wasn’t just that exactly. It was her frame of mind. As if her troubles were her entire identity, as if this “poor me, my life is so difficult” was all she could be in life.
I’ve dealt with people with deadly diagnosis who were more cheerful and had better perspectives about life then she did and just the non-stop spewing was way too much. I even smudged my space after they left and said a prayer. I don’t think she gets how toxic her mentality is, not just to herself but on everyone else too.
I’m not saying she hasn’t had a raw deal, but there are many ways to look at any one thing and she chooses to stay in a frame of mind of misery and then expects everyone to feel bad along with her. It’s too much for me. I don’t have a high tolerance for that.
Well… still. This culture, these people have some very admirable qualities and some of them I would be honored to have as friends and am truly delighted to simply meet and work with them. I appreciate how tight knit and family oriented they are. I appreciate their knowledge and desire for holistic and natural medicine.
I do feel I still have a lot to learn from this experience and I truly am grateful for the work. It’s just that trying to maintain my own mental, physical and emotional equilibrium, with everything going on personally along with all this work is a bit of a challenge.
At this point I don’t even have time to make the appointment I need for that biopsy. It will have to wait for next month. It’s fine…. part of me just wants to forget about that entirely anyway, so this allows me that luxury. Yet part of me wants to just get it over with asap…… but whatever it is, it will still be there a few weeks from now anyways. So really.
full slate of characters today. Hoping the smudging will turn around the energy and make things smoother and easier for me. I’ll deal with whatever comes of course, but that would be nice and I like to have that thought going into the day.
Hope you all enjoy your day of presidents. Lol