My life is full of conundrums. It used to drive me crazy. It used to give me crippling anxiety. I used to search for answers from others. Then I learned that was a debilitating coping mechanism. So now I just sit with things. I let them be or wait until I know exactly what I want and need to do, for myself.
Right now I am craving touch, intimacy and sex; but I’m not wanting to date. I could channel that energy into exercise or meditate through it maybe…. I’ve never tried that one.
But ideally I’d be really happy if I could just find a lover. That of course comes with its own issues. How do you not get attached? How many lily pads must one hop on to find one that hits the spot? I’m really not into casual sex, contrary to how it may seem. Lol
Part of me is tempted to call Brad but there is just too much emotional baggage for that to work as just lovers. I guess I’ll know what I want to do when I know what I want to do. For now I’ll sit and ruminate about this longing a bit more. C’est la vie.