I remember talking to a man once over dinner and he was telling me that he meets these women with their lives all disheveled, he “saves” them and they inevitably fall in love with him. He said that as if it was a really bad thing. I also, maybe incorrectly, felt it as a slight jab.
I told him “of course they do”. But I figured he must want to be loved for himself exclusively and not his actions or what he can do for these women. I didn’t ask any questions, which in hindsight I wish I had. I thought it silly of him to be angry that women fall in love with him. Many men wish their actions evoked real feelings and not just continually being used.
I’ve been reading a few posts from men in love, or freshly out of love and to me it seems so easy to get a woman to fall in love with you. You simply make yourself indispensable to them.
If a woman feels loved for who she is, truly cared for and understood; if you lift her up when she’s down, are truly her friend, make her feel really great when your around her…. she will want to have you in her life.
Now if all this seems like too much work, it’s because it is. If you want to be your usual plain old self and be loved by a woman for just that exclusively… I absolutely guarantee you can make that happen, but probably not with the “girl of your dreams”.
Because, unfortunately, it seems to me that everyone wants to couple “up”. No one that is a 4, and I don’t mean looks wise alone, I mean life wise…. wants to settle for another 4. People tend to want to have something out of their reach. They want more, best, better than the rest. Which is all good and fine but what are you willing to do to get that?
Money works, looks help a lot, charisma is always golden, power is an instant aphrodisiac, popularity is always a good contender, jocks generally do pretty good for themselves.
My point is unless women of your particular type are knocking down your door begging for you, some work is involved. Especially if you want someone a bit out of your reach, or that isn’t all that particularly into you….yet.
I remember talking to a lesbian at a gay bar once. When I was younger and wanted to drink but not be hit on or bothered I would go to the gay bar or the old timers bar by my house. Basically when I wanted to be around people but was still feeling anti-social. I met this cute girl there. Totally not into her sexually, but we hung out a few times after that. She was really sweet.
She told me that she had been very straight not that many years prior to meeting her. But she had a coworker that was lesbian that always wanted to go out with her. This girl would buy her small gifts, treat her very sweetly, genuinely show concern for her wellbeing, make her laugh, but still make it very clear she did not want to be friend zoned but wanted real intimacy and a relationship with her.
Eventually she agreed to go on a date with her and the rest is history. She never looked back. She said that this woman treated her better than any man ever did and she didn’t want to go back to men. Now I really don’t see why men couldn’t do the same thing.
Except it takes time, effort, some money or creativity, and knowing the fine line between going after what you want and being creepy. Lol
I remember my friend Rob. He was a work friend. We got along really well. He was kind of quirky but such a genuine, nice guy. We started hanging out after work. I had zero intention of ever crossing the friend line. But time passed and our lives became very enmeshed and our friendship became so strong that after a day of drinking kissing didn’t seem like a bad idea. And that was all it took.
We didn’t last more than a few years but those were still some fun times and I don’t regret it one bit. Mostly we parted ways because he had zero ambition and drank way too much. Plus all the drugs I never knew at the time he was heavily into. I’m a bit oblivious to some things, unfortunately.
Seems to me some men seem to think love, sex, their wildest dreams will just be handed to them because they want it. I find that really laughable. Nothing worthwhile in life is effortless. Nothing. And finding a partner that fits you, that makes your life better, that is the right mix of all the things you want, and all the things you may not want but can put up with has got to be one of the hardest but most rewarding things to find in this life, I think.
So tell me how much effort that should require?
No really. How much? I’m asking for a friend. 😝🤣😝🤣