I play Word Chums daily. I enjoy it very much. I play mostly with my mom and Jay-lynn. Once in a while I’ll play a random person. So last night I played the word faith, after I wrote that last blog entry. Then when I played this morning the exact same word came up for me. I thought it was funny so I went to look at which game I played that word on and realized I had not played it at all. I had dreamt I played it last night and then actually played it today.
I realize this also because I am remembering, now fully awake, that I didn’t play Word Chums after that post. I instead laid in bed trying to meditate and relax; while tossing about a bit.
So it makes it even more stark for me; more poignant. I am not sure I even would have remembered the dream had playing the word not sparked the memory. And now thinking about it reaffirms the meaning of it to me.
I really need to have faith right now. I’ll start with faith in myself. I’ll start with faith in the world. I’ll continue with faith in the divine nature of things we can not see or understand playing out; around us and within us. I’ll come to understand no matter what happens that it is how it is meant to be in this one lifespan. I will have faith. I will let it all go to faith.
I think that’s my best bet right now and more importantly it’s the thing that gives me the most peace of mind. Knowing that I don’t get to be privy to all the wheels in motion that affect my life, but accepting that whatever good comes my way I am worthy of and any bad that comes my way has its own reason for being.
Faith seems illogical and dumb to some people and I completely get why. But it is a comfort bigger than myself. It is like the warm embrace of an unconditionally loving guardian. It is the shield that protects my heart from breaking too much, too hard, too irrevocably. It is the thing that gives reason to the unreasonable. It is what lets me hold compassion for it all…. and that is not nothing. To me right now it is everything. Absolutely everything!