Being very sensitive is seen as a bad thing in this world. But I don’t see it that way at all. I agree that it’s sometimes difficult to deal with. But I don’t agree with the diagnosis’ surrounding that and the ways we try to curtail feeling strong emotions.
We are emotional beings. We are sensitive, to not just our own moods, body and thoughts but to our environment; including the stimuli and people that surround us. This is for good reason.
I sometimes have people come in to do colonics that are highly sensitive to them. They feel the contractions, they feel the temperature changes, they feel their body respond and it can be a bit overwhelming for them. I always tell them that’s a very good thing. That this mind body connection is absolutely priceless. That sensitivity will keep them aware and healthy, if they let it.
People often ask me how I got into this. I always tell them about my own Illness. They ask me how long I was sick. Truthfully I was not sick very long; because I was very acutely aware of myself. As soon as I started seeing things amiss I took myself to the doctor to figure it out. It took months of testing to get a diagnosis. Once they ruled out everything else they pinned “chronic fatigue” on me.
Made sense. I couldn’t get out of bed no matter how many hours I slept. Once out of bed I needed an entire carafe of coffee to just get going. By noon I needed to pop (diet) pep pills just to stay awake and even then I still spent most of my time on the couch. It was not an emotional issue. Along with this I had dozens of other symptoms and body issues.
I remember walking into a doctor’s appointment with a sandwich bag full of hair. When I explained that this hair was from only one brushing I saw the concern on his face. He was a sweet doctor. I appreciated that he did not tell me what to do, he worked with me to do what suited me best based around my own needs and desires. He knew I didn’t like meds, so when he diagnosed me I specifically told him to not only leave it off my medical charts but that I had an idea of what I would do and that I would be back in a month.
He didn’t question me. But wished me well and when I did come back to see him after the Gerson Therapy when I was back to mostly normal he was overjoyed. He even suggested some life coaching he had done that was centered around emotional healing. I lost him to Kaiser. My loss, their win.
All this to say that last night my heart was racing when I got to sleep. My liver was hurting too. I went from a beautiful centered calmness to almost a full blown panic attack in a short 10 hours.
I find it funny that we are so complex and yet we can also decipher ourselves fairly easily. I feel my greatest achievement in this lifetime is knowing myself, accepting myself and mastering myself. All an ongoing endeavor and so very, truly worthwhile, so pivotal to my happiness and reaching the depths of understanding this life has to offer.
For one, it allows me to not hold tight to anything that doesn’t resonate with my soul. It allows me to respond with genuineness to my environment. It allows me to see and understand more things; even things that are uncomfortable and painful and be able to sit with them. It gives me freedom…. true freedom to be the me that shows up at any given moment. Whoever that may be and it gives me the gratitude to understand that this is my journey for a reason and to find joy and comfort in that.
Welcome to my world, let me take your coat, kick off your shoes, stay a while, want something to drink? Don’t worry; you are safe here with me.