Babe, I’m gonna leave you

That was the first song that came on my playlist yesterday. It’s the song I woke up to today in my head too. It’s funny because it’s not one of their songs I care for too much. It’s too simple and repetitive, but still here it is in my head.

I’m feeling really calm today. Not sure why. The deadline I gave myself and reported to the powers that be is for tomorrow and I’m nowhere near done. I have it all organized. I know what I need to do. It is doable. I just haven’t done it yet. I woke up early to start on it this morning and yet have done other things.

The water filter was smelling musty. I took it apart and cleaned and disinfected it. It actually had a speck of white mold on the inside of the lid too. Maybe this explains why the kids immune systems seem worse this year than normal. They drink a lot of water.

I still have some time to start, but I’m not gonna stress myself. I’ll stay up as late as I need to to finish or wake myself up at the crack of dawn, or more accurately before the crack of dawn as the sun rises late here this time of year.

I let the teenager read the hardship letter I wrote yesterday to ensure it read ok. She turned to me and asked me “is this supposed to be a sob story?”. I laughed. “well, it’s not supposed to make you smile, so yes kind of, but I’m also not trying to make people cry.”. She said I accomplished that well then. Good enough I guess. I had wanted to clarify how she meant that but I don’t usually make people explain themselves to me often.

For one because I’ve noticed it makes people feel judged. Also, a lot of people don’t put too much thought into what they say. So having them clarify their statements completely throws them off. And then too, often it just isn’t necessary to take that time and effort to add that extra layer to the story. lol

I can’t explain well why I feel so centered right now. I have no outside rational to correlate with it. But that’s the thing about this life. That’s the real beauty to me. Nothing I can own, no one I could love, nothing I can do, see, hear, touch, enjoy will really add to my life if I am truly miserable on the inside. The depth, peace, joy, divinity I seek I must find within me first. And I feel lucky beyond every jewel known to mankind to understand the value of that very well, to know that truth.

I guess that’s why I feel good. Don’t know. Not gonna put too much thought into it. Just gonna enjoy it. Have a blessed day.πŸ˜‰πŸ™πŸ½

πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ’‹πŸ€πŸ₯°

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

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