I’ve been thinking of sex a lot lately. Mostly how I’m not horny, but also about all the wild games I have been playing these last two years. To me it felt pretty tame, to my therapist it felt dangerous, to my mom (the little I told her) felt outrageous. It’s all perception, isn’t it?
Do I miss sex? Yes, absolutely. Am I on a hunt for it? Nope, not at all. In fact I’m planning on being abstinent for an undetermined amount of time, maybe all year. I wonder myself how long I can realistically go. I do crave being touched. I crave being desired. But I am passed wanting one night stands. It is fun thinking of all the crazy things I’ve done in my life though.
I remember one time this hot bartender who was floating me drinks at the Formosa took me on a motorcycle ride during his break. We ended up at a storage facility where we talked and made out. I was giving him a blowjob as a car pulled up and kept its headlights on us and I just kept going. No one ever got out of the car. We just left when he ran out of time. He gave me a bar t-shirt and his number. I never called. Lol
Some people would think this would make me feel slutty. It doesn’t. It makes me feel alive. It brings a smile to my face. That was so much fun!!
There are some non-fun times. We all have those. I am not trying to bring those to mind though.
Some of the games I played with Brad should not have been played probably. My therapist says it’s all allowed between consenting adults. But….. I wonder that. It’s fine. It’s over. Slate wiped clean. Maybe the next man will be pure vanilla. 🤔🤔🤔 Maybe it will be a woman. Maybe it will be a couple. Lol. You know…. who knows. I rule nothing out. Nothing. It’s just gotta work for me, for my life.
I better get going. Long day.