Debbie Downer, no Scientology, Lizzo!!

I’ve been a bit down.  I think it’s because we are reaching the end of this waiting period in my life.  And the last bit of any journey can sometimes be the most difficult. 

I’m going to try not to cry at the meeting.  No one, not one person involved in this mediation has any vested interest in the transaction…… beyond me. To everyone else involved it is just a job. 

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I decided that this Sunday we will have a full blown group pity party.  All men on deck, or in this case me and my little women.  This is a first.  But my middle has a similar situation where she is getting better but still very slowly and with no definitive end in sight.  So, her and I picked a sad movie.  We are having appetizers and dessert and we will cry and mourn life’s difficulties together.  I want to each take turns talking about our own current personal struggles.  Because sometimes it helps to just say things out loud especially to caring ears. 

It will be nice to let them know it’s ok.  It’s ok to express emotions, even the not very pretty ones.  It’s ok to struggle with it all.  It’s ok to take a moment to sit with it and cry.  It’s really ok.

I just had a client come in and she says I look much happier than I did last month.  That struck me.  She seems like a very sweet, honest and even blunt person. I’ll take her word for it I guess. 

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I cancelled on the Scientology thing.  I researched the leader.  I looked at his relationship to women. I tried to find the highest ranking female in the sect.  Too much secrecy there.  I’m not into it. 
There doesn’t seem to be a religion for me. It’s fine. I can’t half-ass it like a lot of people seem to do.  I can’t join just for the benefits without truly commiting to it.  That’s not me. I’d rather do my own thing than live a lie.  Party of one it is. 

And while there is a lot of the New Age movement I can get behind; even that gets a bit too full of itself.  Like what does any of that truly  matter? 

The thing is I am not into hierarchies. I’m not into doing things just for the sake of doing them. I’m not into pandering to the ego of people who think they know more. People that have some pretentious title and feel others are beneath them for it.  So not into any of that bullshit.

Right now I’m into this energy. I really am.  Love her Lizzo spirit!!  I am all for this!

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol