Last night sucked. Well. No. Not entirely. But by 8:30 I was already feeling like it had been a long night. I wanted a nice dinner so I bought some Rib Eye steaks. This was it.
It was really good but so expensive due to my last minute shopping at the local high priced grocer. And absolutely no better than the much cheaper organic steaks I get at the discount grocery store.
I had taken a cold shower before dinner but by 11pm I was just exhausted. Brad had come over for dinner. His niece had also invited us over to celebrate the New Year. I insisted that I didn’t want to go. I told him I was too tired and that I would be bad company. I know myself. I know when I’m too tired to be around others. When I just don’t have the energy to engage.
I was literally laying down with the covers over my head when he pulled me out of bed to go. I can only protest so much. So we went. It was fine. They are very nice people and their new baby is a bundle of cuteness. He had more energy and higher spirits than I did; unfortunately.
Then it happened. Right after midnight Brad grabbed my hand and we said goodnight and as we left their house I slipped and fell on the moss covered front steps.
I knew it was bad. When we got home my pants were stuck on to the blood and it was throbbing. I cleaned it, iced it and fell asleep, but now it hurts to put pressure on it. Aauugghhhh.
The lesson… the one I think I need to pick up here is that I need to do what I WANT TO DO. I realize in relationships and couplings people have to compromise a lot and I think he was doing it out of a sincere desire to be festive and not leave me out but I really didn’t want to go and yet still did.
I had today planned out already. Clean out the garage. Go to the gym. See my client. Spend time with my kids. I definitely can’t do the first one at all, which is the one I was actually very excited about. So what does this teach me? What is this showing me?
That I must not so much be selfish, as much as just stick to me guns. I must follow my own judgement and desires regardless of who or what demands, requests or suggests otherwise. This is my very painful lesson to the start of 2020.
Alright universe, alright Divinity, alright soul lessons…. I am listening. I hear you… loud and clear.
The time has come for a more determined me to come to center stage. Whatever it takes…… given the choices available at any present moment that I am consciously aware of….. it must be my way. I owe nothing to anyone if I can’t be foremost true to myself.
This is truly a new day. And as I hobble around today in what is now a forced day of rest, the pain will serve to reinforce this lesson and also as a stark memory of what this year must be.
A new me!!!
A force to be reckoned with. Let me just sit down for a second first. Lol
Happy New Year!!