That’s the key. Grabbing life by the fucking balls and saying “my way” come hell or high water.
I don’t mean this in any anarchistic way. I mean that we need to follow our own fucking drums. We need to beat to our own tunes. We need to follow our hearts and souls voraciously. As if our lives depended on it. Because our spiritual lives do. Our happiness does.
I know this!!!
I also know that the only way to do this is by not only living moment by moment but by following that path we set for ourselves. The path we know we want to take, even as every step is shrouded in fear and maybe even danger.
I think I’ve told this story before but one day at the Buddhist retreat I decided to take a walk to the creek. They had told us how beautiful it was and how gorgeous the woods were and how safe it was, except for the occasional snake. Now mind you, I don’t fear many animals. I love spiders and skunks. I’ve walked away from a pack of wolves, actually I think they were coyotes but you get my point.
But I am a bit scared of snakes. And there are also bears up there, which I don’t want to happen upon. But they promised it was safe and told us to venture outdoors during our week long stay.
So one day, probably out of sheer boredom. I can’t quite recall the motivation really, but I decided to walk to the creek. It was quite a stretch. And about a quarter way there, with no markers and no way to know how much longer or when I’d chance upon it I started panicking.
Every single step going forward was one of the strongest inner battles I’ve ever had. I wanted to turn back with practically every single step I took. It was the most difficult walk I’ve ever had. But when I got there I had this sense of accomplishment that I can’t even begin to explain to you. For that moment I had conquered my inner fears and reached my goal and it felt so fucking awesome.
I felt like I was walking on air all the way back and it seemed 10 times shorter of a walk too. I laughed at myself and my fear. More so even knowing that fear can’t help you even in a dire situation. Calmness, presence and being open to any solutions available at that moment can.
Knowing all this…..
Why does it all still feel so hard?