My mother is sick. She has pneumonia again. They are going to admit her to the hospital Thursday if she doesn’t start to get better. She has always been a bit melodramatic when it comes to her health but as she’s aged it has manifested as A LOT of hospital visits. Legitimate issues that (I believe) generally stem from stress and her mental health and lack of deep social connection in the world.
We need connection. I don’t know when and where the notion of succeeding independently in the world gained foothold, but it is complete bullshit. We are social creatures and our happiness in life lives and dies (primarily or very heavily) within our social bonds.
My mother calls her aunt every single day. Usually that is the only contact with the outside world or another human being she has for long stretches of time.
I was listening to another woman tell me yesterday that her blind brother texts her every day and that she enjoys the communication and that it means a lot to her to have that touchstone (as she called it).
As of late Jay-lynn and I have been enjoying a lovely online friendship. She texts me good morning every day. We talk about men, sex, our kids, work, dinner. We play word chums. We send each other pictures and silly memes. I’ve grown very fond of her and I am deeply grateful for her support and care.
I had a client the other day. A sweet young Russian girl. She has a lot of anxiety and some digestive issues to go with it (of course. Those two things are so deeply connected.) We were talking about her boyfriend and how supportive and loving he is. And I find out he lives 5 states away and they have never even met in real life. And contrary to what maybe was expected, I was truly very happy for her. It was fulfilling her needs, maybe not all of them, but who am I to judge that. Definitely enough for it to be worth it to her and that’s what counts.
We all have to have our needs for intimate social contact met. It is an integral part of our being and it is what makes life worth living: touching and connecting to people’s hearts. I don’t know why we undervalue that so much in life. We are not really taught to appreciate the things that are of true merit in life. We are modeled superficial happinesses that are unfulfilling and leave us bankrupt of real depth and joy.
We are capable of so much in life. We are capable of forming beautiful connections anywhere at anytime with almost anyone, if we just open up to it; to the possibilities.
All this to say that I think I need to slow down a bit in life and work harder on my connections to people. I want to do this. Maybe I even need to consider calling my mom more, painful as that may be, to be more of a touchstone to her. I think it would help her health issues very much as well.
So with that…… I hope you all appreciate and grow your own connections in life. And know that I appreciate the connection I have with you here, no matter where you are in the world and in your life. I am sending you a big giant virtual hug. Be well.