I’ve realized that a lot of times life gives me what I need and even more interestingly, what I subconsciously want. This is great when your subconscious aligns with something healthy; or when things align themselves to produce positive effects.
The thing is that we aren’t in control of our subconscious desires. We aren’t in control of our subconscious thought processes. For those to be positive and healthy requires deprogramming all the negative things we believe about ourselves and the world. Not impossible, but for most of us… especially those who have suffered deep trauma, it is very difficult.
Yet I keep noticing the pattern of it and can’t help but see that the more I work on my inner workings the more in sync my outer life becomes. I have a lot of inner work to do. I also need to believe more in kismet and project positivity and ease. That which I project I hopefully will attract. But it has to be sincere and doubt plagues us all to some degree.
I didn’t get the clit ring this weekend. I’m so sore already from all the sex. Poor Brad will need a few days to recover I think. Just as well.
My life still confuses me; the decisions I make based on the choices presented. On some level they all make sense of course but still puzzle me profoundly sometimes. So I’m resolved to just take it moment by moment. I’m happy with that.