Brad took me to dinner. In Salem. And I spent the night. He has been using this penis pump religiously for the last month and it increased his penis girth and length by at least 1/4″ and it stays harder, chubbier longer. This was not really needed. So now for the first time, even though we used lubricant, I am so sore. He had me up until 3am fucking me hard; when he finally came in my mouth and let me go to sleep.
He is such a sex fiend. While we were having sex he made me promise to go sleep with my ex tonight. But I don’t consider promises made during sex binding, especially not while I’m being strangled by an anaconda. I know my ex would love it. I know Brad would love it. He wants me to let him know when I’m there so he can masturbate to it. He finds it so hot to think of me fucking other men.
I’ve thought about this extensively. I am not exactly sure what that’s all about. This wouldn’t be a typical cuckhold situation as he is the one that I want to fuck.
I suspect this may be a bisexual fetish, especially since we’ve discussed having a bisexual bottom for us to both play with. But maybe it’s a lot more than that. He’s fantasized about this even before I was in the picture so🤷🏽♀️.
I was way to busy to get my clit ring this weekend. So next weekend it is. I haven’t told him yet. I guess with all the sex it slipped my mind. Lol
He seems to think we are right back where we were. I’m not sure about that. I’m just not sure about anything besides my need to keep going forward in life. Trying to find myself, my way and where I belong. Trying to make sure my children have what they need to thrive; stability, emotional security, quality time, exposure to different lifestyles and different ways to look at and experience the world and life.
I can’t give them much in the form of anything monetary; but hopefully I can make up for it with lots of love and understanding. Nothing makes me happier than when the kids tell me I’m dependable and even predictable. That’s something I severely lacked growing up. And that doesn’t have to mean boring; fortunately.
But back to sex.
There was a point when I climbed on top of Brad and I sat completely motionless on his massive penis while I put the bullet vibrator high speed on my clit. I proceeded to have the most intense orgasm that I’ve had in months. It was sooo good. It went on and on, so fucking delicious; I didn’t want it to end. Great sex can make any day spectacular. Can’t it?….or is that just me?
So here is the beast. Measuring in at 8.5″ tall erect and 7″ girth. Excessive to me and unnecessary but he wants to buy the next size up pump now. Do they even make them that big?
When he first started using this thing he didn’t reach the top of it and now it’s too small. He uses it twice a day for 15 minutes. So he says. I’d be surprised if it isn’t actually more.
It’s ironic because I’m not obsessed with penis size. I’ve had a blast with average size penises my entire life.
Last night he was really pushing my pain threshold. I can’t remember the last time I was so sore. The thing is that while he has been expanding himself, I’ve been doing kegels like crazy thinking that I want to be tight for the next man I sleep with, assuming they’d be smaller than Brad. 🤨🤪🤣
He really wants to go to the sex club and show off his size. I told him we would go to deviant night somewhere this month. But I also told him how important it is for me that we make love. I HATE being a broken record. I hate bitching at men. I hate nagging. It bugs the shit out of me to be forced to do it and I generally will retaliate in some form when made to. It’s one of the few times I turn passive aggressive.
When I’m sick of saying something and I’m given no choice but to make it known other ways that my needs aren’t being met. It’s childish, stupid and I’d really rather not….. but short of pounding someone on the head sometimes you don’t have much choice. These are not the signs of a healthy relationship though. Are they? And it’s just not my thing.
Who wants to be ignored? Who wants their needs to be side stepped for the needs of their partner? I am no fucking doormat and if he can’t figure this out I’m going to have to have the uncomfortable conversation of telling him he’s just my friends with benefits and when I find when I’m looking for things will change. Since….how many men do I need and have time for really?
That just seems so cruel. But he wants me in his life. So take it or leave it I guess. This time of my life is about me: my needs met FIRST and my kiddos. And as much as I want love and sex and companionship it has absolutely got to be a situation that benefits me and is truly healthy and loving.
Someone told me recently; you’ll be done when you’re done. I guess….we aren’t quite done here yet. And I’m ok with that.
I feel so calm and happy right now. Sex is one of the greatest elixers in life for me and I don’t give a fuck how anyone sees that. I see it as fucking spectacular.
I’m just not going to worry about some perfect (for me) mystery man sweeping me off my feet anymore. I’m going to concentrate on being happy where I am and doing the things I want and need to do for myself in life. Like joining a gym again. Like getting on a better overall schedule and healthy routine.
Anaconda or no. This is my life and I intend to live it my way, as much as absolutely possible.
Going to go pick out our tree now. So excited!! Kids are too. Lol. It’s the simple things.