It seeps in.
I have to be constantly on guard for it within myself, which is why I can’t be around negative people. It’s not a choice or desire, it’s an absolute need for my mental and emotional equilibrium. But I hope the day comes when nothing and no one rattles me. When, even as sensitive as I am, the outside world doesn’t cause distress on my inside world.
That’s the goal. Not to say I won’t feel things. Not to say I won’t respond to my environment. This is to say that I want to be able to act in kindness and control of myself as much as possible. But maybe all this internal control I seek is what also powers my need to have relief from it all; especially sexually.
I’m so tired and yet I can’t fall asleep. Sometimes I ponder things I don’t have answers to. Lol 💋🙄🤷🏽♀️🤣