I have this amazing ability to shoot myself in the foot. Sometimes it’s just a way for me to walk away; knowing I didn’t leave a return path. It’s my way of making that an absolute point of no return in my life. So I tear down the water tower, burn the bridge, create a mote, stuff it full of piranha and walk away as fast as I can without looking back.
And then I can remember all the great things I loved about it there. I can let myself dream the best dreams I wanted to come true about that time, because I know it’s over and I don’t have to look or live the bad parts anymore, ever again. That’s all been done; no need to revisit that part. Those lessons have hopefully been learned and we are moving on.
Sometimes it doesn’t take shooting myself in the foot because I’m ready to go but sometimes I become comfortable, even in the misery. And it’s in moments of clarity I do what needs to be done to keep growing, to keep moving forward towards where I really want to be in life and not just settle for whatever comes at me.
One day I hope these things align so I don’t have to keep going to such extremes to get out of somewhere I let myself be in the first place. I mean it doesn’t really seem to make much sense if I look at it that way. Does it? And also… I really like my feet.
The times when I’ve felt most closely aligned to divinity, source, God, life energy, whatever anyone wants to call it… is when I’ve stepped out of my own ego and neurosis long enough to just flow with life. Like those athletes that say that everything just aligned and time seemed to slow down and everything flowed perfectly into place. Like that pretty much; which is a severe under-representation of the actuality of it, but hopefully is somewhat illustrative of what I am trying to talk about.
It’s when I am just living; with no judgement, no fear, no prejudice, no expectation; when I am completely open… heart and mind. It is being in the flow of whatever is happening, whether that be a torrent, a mist or a sun filled esplanade. It’s the most difficult, easy thing we can probably do in this life and it adds genuine beauty, truth and real, actual valor to this scenery, more than anything else one can do…..and yet…