I’ve been feeling lonely this last week. Fortunately, I’m way too busy to do anything about it. Today will be my last 12+ hour workday this week. Then I can go back to my regularly scheduled programming.
I want to do something fun with the girls this weekend. Whatever it is will have to be low-key (with my dizzy girl so susceptible) and it will also be raining. But at this point I’ll take something simple like games, baking together, an art project. Something where we can just all be together, off of our devices; talking, laughing, commiserating. I’ll even take them arguing at this point.
I look at couples and interestingly enough I don’t feel envious. If anything it makes me kind of hopeful. Totally the opposite of when I used to feel overwhelmingly lonely while in a relationship. That was just torture.
I’m fine. I’m alone by choice right now, which makes it much more palatable. There is an arsenal of men on FetLife and in my Rolodex I could call on for sex, BDSM, dinner, drinks, conversation, some combination of these. I also have someone wanting to take me to Palm Springs for a sexcation; with lots to BDSM involved. Outside of spiritual retreats this is the best kind of vacation.
We shall see. This may be challenging as he wants me to play a submissive role in public and I have never done that before. It will be in a different environment and with strangers or people I’ll most likely never run into again so that makes it more fun and definitely more acceptable. It makes me feel both excited and scared which is just the right mix for subspace.
I am definitely a bit melancholic with this season coming in. I’ll be fine. It will be great. I’m not stressing about it. There is a just a twinge of sadness, but that sadness let’s me slow down, pace myself, self-soothe. I’m accepting it. I’m not going to try to unravel or overanalyze it. I’m just going to let it be.
My goal before the end of the year is to get myself on some sort of schedule, so I can do the things I need to do to take better care of myself.
It’s a foggy day. It mimics my mood perfectly and I find beauty in that.
Sadness, loneliness; these don’t have to be miserable experiences. I can find comfort in them, like an old warm blanket. Feelings I’m very familiar with; that don’t cause me distress or discomfort at all. They make me feel a little bit tender is all and I find that ok. It will pass. It always does.
I think what I’ll do is put up Christmas decorations now, way before Thanksgiving. It’s something we’ve never done before but we also didn’t put up Halloween decorations and I think we could use some holiday cheer. Not to discount Thanksgiving at all, which is actually my favorite holiday, but I don’t really have any Thanksgiving decorations. This will be different for us; but why not? 😉🦃 Gobble gobble.