I was just remembering one time I was dating a man who although he was dominant himself didn’t want me to be submissive to him. He wanted me to strictly be his Dominant. The problem was that he wanted it his way.
I remember one time him kneeling before me his eyes down to the floor. I stood before him and did nothing. Finally his eyes raised up and he saw I had no intention or interest in dominating him and he flusterdly got up and became angered. I laughed and laughed inside, although on the outside I exhibited sheer boredom. Which actually was not one bit true. I don’t think he ever understood that lesson though.
I enjoy being Dominant but it isn’t something I want to do full-time and especially not on command. Had he known me better he would have known that angering me would drive me to dominance much more than supplication ever does.
Dominating requires a lot of energy and focus. Being a good Dominant takes being hyper-aware of your submissives state of mind and emotions and tolerances. Things that fluctuate constantly. It’s navigating what you want vs what they want, need and are capable of and finding what will bring you both joy. It’s also great fun and worth all the effort, but just not full-time, not for me. Because when it come down to it a lot of it is gameplay and mostly I just want to be myself.
I guess I’m harkening back to my other post. I want it all. But it’s a tall order. Asking someone to be fluid with me so I can be who I want to be when I want to be it, especially sexually may be a stretch.
These aren’t things I have to concern myself with right now though as I’m not dating or spending time with anyone in any capacity whatsoever outside of working. But these are things I think about.
I truly deep down only want one person to love and adore and play with as the main recipient of my devotion. Even as that devotion may come mostly in the form of dominance.
But the heart wants what the heart wants and one is willing to do a great many things to fulfill that desire. So I can’t say which way I will lean until I know who I am leaning with. That’s the ultimate piece of the puzzle. That’s what I wait patiently for. If only the rigamarole of life didn’t impose other things to busy myself with; which unfortunately take priority over this endeavor.
True love is worth waiting a lifetime for. I can’t wait to see how and when that presents. I can’t wait to experience that bliss.