Let’s review the day……
Taxes got done. House got tidy to a level of acceptableness. I got offered the part-time job I applied for earlier in the week. Brad took me to dinner and kept trying to propose with a straw paper wrapper quickly made into a ring shape. Lol
Let’s unpack that a bit because all these make-ups and break-ups are probably causing whiplash and last we knew he was out of the picture.
See what happened is that…….
I, me, this person here, broke down and called him a few days ago. Which is an unusual stance for me. In that in all our break ups I’ve never been the one to reach out to him. But I was missing him so much and when Sylvia (my therapist) suggested that maybe he and I just needed to come in for couples therapy to learn to argue effectively and not detrimentally….it kind of felt like a green light.
Still took me a few days after that to decide to contact him. So when I called him he immediately came over and took me to lunch and grocery shopping. I spent the night at his house and things felt really good between us.
Then the next night we argued and I was absolutely besides myself with anger, especially at myself for having re-engaged. But, very unlike him within less than an hour he apologized, explained why he reacted the way he did and took full responsibility for the ordeal.
So I told him we needed to have a serious discussion, which he generally avoids at all costs. I told him we needed to sit down and figure out our issues, if we could resolve them and figure out what we were doing, where we were going, and how to stop driving each other crazy with these on and off dramatic episodes.
So….. he picked me up last night to take me to dinner and have the discussion. I was shocked that he wasn’t stressed, agitated or short with me. He actually seemed pretty calm, especially for having to drive around a major traffic jam to get to me.
Beforehand I had made sure I knew very clearly what I wanted in this situation. Because it’s no fair asking someone to have a difficult conversation when you have no idea what you really want out of it. Surprisingly it came very clear to me. And after when we sat down and got drinks and chit chatted a bit I started in…..
“It’s been over 3 years that I’ve been divorced now. The first year I couldn’t yet date. The second year I dated but wasn’t quite sure I could see myself getting married again. But now after 3 years of struggling and working so hard and trying to make a go of it alone I’ve realized…. I really just want to be married again and be a “housewife”. I love nurturing my family and I want a husband to adore and be my best friend. I’m tired of this constant struggle with no one at my side.”
Then he shocked me a bit when he told me his desires. He wants to convert his garage into an extra bed and bath and have us all move in with him. We talked about the logistics and possible difficulties, the finances, and tried to stay focused on the big picture of it all.
That’s when he started trying to propose. It was funny and I laughed it off as I firmly said “no, stop, don’t do that”. I’ve never been proposed to and that wasn’t going to be it. It’s not that I need some huge ordeal. I simply want it be special and I want us to both be 100% sure.
Then we went to the sex club; Privata. It was busy but not excessively so. In all I had 4 glasses of champagne and thankfully, no more. We ended up making out throughout the club and finally made our way into a room. I undressed him and laid him on the bed. I climbed on top still fully dressed, my shoes off only because they had broken. I rode him as I pinched his balls and nipples, slapped his face and made him writhe and scream in pain. I was trying to get his screams to match those of the girl in the next room.
We were getting there when he tapped out because his back was hurting in that position. That’s when I noticed I had inadvertently left the curtains open and we had a small audience. I blushed as they walked away and I closed them. Then he got on top and opened them again and fucked me hard. His dick was bulging to the point it was causing me a little pain. “Ow daddy” I protested. “Take it for me little girl, take daddy’s big dick” he came back with and became the tiger I hadn’t seen for a while.
Then he abruptly stopped pumping, and stared into my eyes and said “I know we play these games, and they are all fun and great, but this man Brad really loves this women, Macy” and I teared up instantly.
Then he did something he also hasn’t done in a long time. He got into the only position that makes me orgasm though PIV (penis in vagina), because it stimulates my clitoris effectively and I was so close, but between the possible audience and the alcohol I couldn’t. I was closer than I’d been with him in months though and it all felt so wonderful.
He dropped me off at home. My head hit the pillow at 2am and then the munch woke me up at 8 to start her birthday extravaganza.
I briefly discussed the new turn of events with the girls this morning once we settled into the morning and explained that I wanted their opinion and that it was a possibility and not a definitive thing. It’s hard to merge two families with so many moving parts and issues and Brad and I don’t scream stability.
But I realized this morning that Brad and I have a lot of difficulties between us because we are both fairly grouchy sometimes. Him because of his constant back pain and me because of my many life stressors. Not to give an excuse to either of us, but….I guess I am.
Well…. so….. this is a whole new turn of events and things will progress as they progress and we shall see. Shan’t we?
Now to make breakfast and get going. Birthday girl needs some smooches and attention.