That’s the sign I’ve had posted on my forehead for as long as I can remember. I probably unknowingly emanate it from my very pores. It’s just the way I have most preferred to make my way in the world…..left alone.
It’s been a defense mechanism I’ve had so long I’m not even sure how to put it down. People seem to think it’s a form of arrogance on my part; as if I think myself so high above everyone else that it’s a “why should I bother with you” kind of thing. It’s absolutely not the case. I just don’t feel the need to interact with the majority of people. There are those I do through necessary social construct but otherwise I prefer to just keep to myself. I don’t feel the need to constantly engage.
I was thinking of this because I put a big “stay away” sign on my FetLife account. I put on my main page that I was only open to Findom. It’s more a tongue in cheek, dare….. if you will. Do I really intend to do such a thing. Who knows? I’ve always been a make men jump through hoops kind of gal. Not for the fun of it, as much as simply to see their character and true desire.
Primarily this is just my way of stopping discourse. It makes me laugh at least. Yesterday was the day I was supposed to have the Femdom event at the club. I cancelled it two weeks ago, even though the owner of the club has refused to issue me a refund. I sent her 3 emails and got crickets back. I finally had to open a dispute with PayPal and still no word from her.
This is one of the things I hate about Portland. For being a big metropolitan area it still is a small city. Clicks are small and people know each other. Which is why I’ve not tried to cause any waves in any of the circles I’ve entered. I’m not a hierarchy following kind of person. I try to simply treat everyone with respect and kindness. But I also stay clear of people who feel the need to be treated royally because of an imposed class system.
No amount of money, status, ego, power or what have you will have me grovelling at anyone’s feet. It isn’t me. It just won’t happen. This tends to piss some people off that I don’t even care to engage with them when others are chomping for their crumbs. I don’t care frankly. I suppose it’s also part of my “leave me alone” stance.
I have however been challenging myself to reach out more to people who’s company I do enjoy. But even that is a stretch for me, as I am so reclusive. But I do need a social network and I do enjoy people. Even if it is on a limited basis. Lol
So maybe I’ll leave the sign up while I continue to figure out how to navigate this cacophony of an experience called life. And if I get any takers on the Findom I’ll let ya’ll know.