Given the entanglement of it, and choice…… most people would probably prefer to avoid the entire thing. But, I do find the stages of it illuminating and comforting. Like giving oneself permission to feel crappy and to feel all the feels associated with it, no matter how unsettling they can be.
I remember when we first moved to Oregon I put up a stages of grieving chart on the fridge and told the girls that while moving was partly exciting; they were also allowed to grieve leaving behind all they knew and loved before. It helped them and me process the transition.
I was thinking about this this morning because I am wary to start grieving Brad and I’s break up. I want to. I need to. It’s an important part to the whole process of uncoupling. Yet, I haven’t started yet. I suppose that may be its own form of denial; which would point to me indeed starting the process. Lol
Like I said……it’s a strange matter altogether. I miss him. That part is unequivocally true. I was asking myself this morning thinking of all of this “do I miss him for him, out of boredom, or for all the things he did for me?”. Me in my quest to be ever transparent, especially with myself. I realized I truly do miss him for him. That was a very comforting thought, even if the fact remains that it was just too difficult to sustain….for both of us.
For the first time in my life I am happy to be single during the holidays. I’m happy to not have to deal with anything or anyone outside my current world. I’m happy for the peace, even if comes with some boredom. It’s a new stance. Generally the holidays make me a bit sentimental and lonely, but this year it’s just another season of my life. And that’s it.
It’s refreshing to not put any pressure on myself and just go with the flow. It’s my favorite way to live. Carefree; at least…. within myself. The world will keep doing as it will. I’m gonna put some popcorn on and just watch the spectacle unravel with my flow chart in hand. 😉🤪🎃
Breaking up with someone is never easy. On the one hand, you’re glad it’s over because the breakup had to happen – the relationship was beyond salvage and unrecoverable but, on the other hand, there are the memories collected over the whole of the relationship and while the reason for the breakup – and all the “bad” memories are rather fresh in your mind, the memories of the good times just make you feel some kind of way.
You grieve over the loss, tell yourself it had to happen while wishing that things hadn’t turned out the way they did… and you just find a way to get over it and keep moving forward.
And you will get over it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yea. Just another transition, is all. Not so much something to get through as just something to go through. Lol. Subtle yet necessary difference for my mental health. 😘
LikeLiked by 1 person
You seem to be handling it well…
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s one of those situations where I don’t give myself an alternative. Lol. “handle it!”. Storry of my life.
LikeLike
The story of many peoples’ life. Just handle it and keep moving forward.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yea. Unfortunately.
LikeLike