Yesterday was not one of the best days. It started out innocently enough and ended with me quitting my job and my mother trying to lecture me about it.
I set my alarm for 2:10 am and snoozed it 3 times, wondering why I didn’t just set it for 2:40 in the first place once I did get out of bed. I don’t particularly like waking up that early but I’m one of those once I’m up I’m up people. And it’s the shift that allowed me to be home in time to pick up the chicken little from school and have time to see my own clients. Except I hate the job and it would leave me so emotionally drained at the end of the day I didn’t want to do much of anything else.
Hate is a strong word. In our house, up until recently, you had to put money in a swear jar when you said it. I wanted my girls to understand the severity of using that word and what it means. It’s truly a word I don’t like to just throw around. So when I say that I mean it, unfortunately.
Maybe one day I’ll write a review for the company. Most everyone was nice. If I write the review I’ll post it here too, but right now I don’t feel like bitching about it.
So then I forgot to do my “tooth fairy” job for the small one. She was so excited about it before bed too. Major mom fail!
I barely got to work on time. I made a few mistakes at work, which granted for only being there two weeks seemed acceptable, but I hold myself to ridiculously high standards and I was really upset with myself. Then I spilled hot sweat tea all over my jeans, my desk and the floor. Wet jeans are not that fun.
I’m not sure what set me off really. Just a culmination of several factors probably. Something just clicked and I walked right into the main bosses office and told him the job sucks. I unfortunately used those exact words too, which was not my intention but I wasn’t thinking clearly.
I tried to walk it back but even then it was not salvageable. I did offer to finish out my shift and work today. I didn’t feel any obligation to work next week though. Maybe because workers seem rather disposable there and I was one of dozens of similarly trained employees and they had 3 new hires in training to start next week as well.
I just couldn’t invest myself there anymore. It actually worked out well. I had not realized there are conferences next week and the chicken little is off school 3 days. I don’t have childcare options so I’m not sure what I would have done. I definitely didn’t make enough to pay a sitter.
So anyway. There is now that. Doesn’t help that my mother called to yell at me about it. Not even sure why I told her or expected differently. I finally had to stop her mid-sentence and remind her it was done already an there was no use making me feel worse about it, and that it was already a bad day. She didn’t have much to say after that.
Not sure when I’m going to get it in my head that she isn’t going to give me the emotional support I want and need. It’s more a freak occurrence when she does stretch herself that way. It’s not that she doesn’t have the intention, it’s more about the lack of skills, I think. She truly just doesn’t know how. At least that’s what I tell myself. Makes me feel better. Lol
Then the teenager took my car to go to a school event and wakes me up to tell me she’s home and that she left my car on E. I had to laugh when I vaguely remembered the conversation as I woke up at 2 this morning. I remember asking her where she expected me to get gas at 3 in the morning; rather rhetorically I’m sure as I don’t remember her answer.
I have a full shift here and 3 clients of my own after. That will make my workday 16 hours long. It helps that this is my last day here; for sure. Keeps my spirit up. Like a big giant exhale…… phew.
Hope you’re all enjoying your sleep. 💋💋💋