I hate being called Ma’am. So much!! It makes me feel old. Why can’t people say Mizz or Madam. I guess it’s right up there with Mistress. I would much rather be confused with a pimp than a philanderer any day. Maybe that’s what I should do. Pimp out men. Hmmmmmm. 🤔🤔🤔 You know me, always looking for extra income. 😂😂😂
I woke up today thinking about kindness. Kindness can be so subtle it can be completely overlooked, is the unfortunate thing about it. Yet, it can also be deeply impactful and even life changing, both to the recipient and the giver.
The only time it absolutely irritates me when I demonstrate kindness and it gets overlooked or taken for granted is when I hold the door open for someone. It just irks me to no end when the person is oblivious to it and proceeds as if it were my job to do so or they well merited the effort with their impudence.
Its such a simple thing. But on the flip side I also detest when someone holds a door open for me but does so begrudgingly. They do it because it is an expectation to some degree and they fume about it every moment they are doing it. Like dude, I’m not out here living my life trying to cause you misery. Like that wasn’t what I woke up thinking my purpose would be today. Let me see how miserable I can make Joey Schmoey today. I’d rather you just let it naturally fall in my face. That seems a more subtle slight than having to deal with the negative energy of a person glaring at me.
Its one of those things that are so insignificant in the grand scheme of things and yet it’s also one of those “how you do one thing is how you do all things”.
Truthfully, I have noted that my mood does reflect itself in those little daily slights and kindnesses. And while I try to override whatever turmoil may be going on inside me with habitual acts that make for civilized society; like common courtesy…..it doesn’t mean I always hit the mark. So I should have more grace for others I spose.
One of the last things Brad said to me is that he doesn’t want to be with someone who criticizes him so much. I absolutely agree with him. He should go find someone that accepts him for exactly who he is. Undoubtedly and unequivocally.
Unfortunately though, that’s not me. I often wondered why that wasn’t me. Did I not care for him enough? Where my expectations too out of line? Hmmmm… I don’t think so. It’s just one of those things. Trying to make a peg fit into an odd slot causes friction and discomfort.
I miss him. My phone is quiet. My mind is quiet. Some may call it boring. I’m going with relaxing. It’s one less thing to try to fit into my schedule. One less moving part with its own many intricacies and issues.
I didn’t have anyone on stand by. I don’t even want to think about dating again right now. I’m going to take the remainder of the year to just self soothe. I’m going to get this housing situation clarified, one way or another and get to a place where my stress level is drastically reduced. I just can’t keep going at this pace. I don’t have the tenacity for it.
I have a few highly important deadlines to hit early this month. Once those are done I can start tackling that ever looming to do list again. Until then all else needs to be on hold except for daily necessary tasks; the basics: food, work, kids, rest and not much else.
I read this and it made me laugh so hard.
This is exactly how I felt when I was avidly dating. But right this moment I have zero men on deck. Still… I don’t feel deprived or lonely or sad about it at all. Sex is still sex and easily attained, if wanted. Orgasms? I can have as many as I want to give myself.
What I truly seek, will be found eventually. I haven’t given up hope one bit. I’m just not trying to start anything new in my volatile situation. Doesn’t seem quite fair to anyone. Better when I’m in a place of more peace, comfort and of course stability.
I, interestingly, had a man ask me last month on FetLife why the women on there all seemed to be either struggling financially or emotionally/sexually traumatized. I laughed. I responded that it was because “being a woman isn’t easy”. Not to say being a man is. Being a human being is damn complicated. But what response did he expect, I wonder?
I’m working all weekend and it’s my oldest ones birthday too. It’s only 7am and it’s already been a calamity of a day. But I guess that’s more probable with having been up for over 5 hours already. 🙄😬😣
Hope you all are having a better day.