Call me Madam, kindness, singlehood

I hate being called Ma’am. So much!! It makes me feel old. Why can’t people say Mizz or Madam. I guess it’s right up there with Mistress. I would much rather be confused with a pimp than a philanderer any day. Maybe that’s what I should do. Pimp out men. Hmmmmmm. πŸ€”πŸ€”πŸ€” You know me, always looking for extra income. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

———–

I woke up today thinking about kindness. Kindness can be so subtle it can be completely overlooked, is the unfortunate thing about it. Yet, it can also be deeply impactful and even life changing, both to the recipient and the giver.

The only time it absolutely irritates me when I demonstrate kindness and it gets overlooked or taken for granted is when I hold the door open for someone. It just irks me to no end when the person is oblivious to it and proceeds as if it were my job to do so or they well merited the effort with their impudence.

Its such a simple thing. But on the flip side I also detest when someone holds a door open for me but does so begrudgingly. They do it because it is an expectation to some degree and they fume about it every moment they are doing it. Like dude, I’m not out here living my life trying to cause you misery. Like that wasn’t what I woke up thinking my purpose would be today. Let me see how miserable I can make Joey Schmoey today. I’d rather you just let it naturally fall in my face. That seems a more subtle slight than having to deal with the negative energy of a person glaring at me.

Its one of those things that are so insignificant in the grand scheme of things and yet it’s also one of those “how you do one thing is how you do all things”.

Truthfully, I have noted that my mood does reflect itself in those little daily slights and kindnesses. And while I try to override whatever turmoil may be going on inside me with habitual acts that make for civilized society; like common courtesy…..it doesn’t mean I always hit the mark. So I should have more grace for others I spose.

——-

One of the last things Brad said to me is that he doesn’t want to be with someone who criticizes him so much. I absolutely agree with him. He should go find someone that accepts him for exactly who he is. Undoubtedly and unequivocally.
Unfortunately though, that’s not me. I often wondered why that wasn’t me. Did I not care for him enough? Where my expectations too out of line? Hmmmm… I don’t think so. It’s just one of those things. Trying to make a peg fit into an odd slot causes friction and discomfort.

I miss him. My phone is quiet. My mind is quiet. Some may call it boring. I’m going with relaxing. It’s one less thing to try to fit into my schedule. One less moving part with its own many intricacies and issues.

I didn’t have anyone on stand by. I don’t even want to think about dating again right now. I’m going to take the remainder of the year to just self soothe. I’m going to get this housing situation clarified, one way or another and get to a place where my stress level is drastically reduced. I just can’t keep going at this pace. I don’t have the tenacity for it.

I have a few highly important deadlines to hit early this month. Once those are done I can start tackling that ever looming to do list again. Until then all else needs to be on hold except for daily necessary tasks; the basics: food, work, kids, rest and not much else.

I read this and it made me laugh so hard.

This is exactly how I felt when I was avidly dating. But right this moment I have zero men on deck. Still… I don’t feel deprived or lonely or sad about it at all. Sex is still sex and easily attained, if wanted. Orgasms? I can have as many as I want to give myself.

What I truly seek, will be found eventually. I haven’t given up hope one bit. I’m just not trying to start anything new in my volatile situation. Doesn’t seem quite fair to anyone. Better when I’m in a place of more peace, comfort and of course stability.

I, interestingly, had a man ask me last month on FetLife why the women on there all seemed to be either struggling financially or emotionally/sexually traumatized. I laughed. I responded that it was because “being a woman isn’t easy”. Not to say being a man is. Being a human being is damn complicated. But what response did he expect, I wonder?

———–

I’m working all weekend and it’s my oldest ones birthday too. It’s only 7am and it’s already been a calamity of a day. But I guess that’s more probable with having been up for over 5 hours already. πŸ™„πŸ˜¬πŸ˜£

Hope you all are having a better day.

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

14 thoughts on “Call me Madam, kindness, singlehood”

    1. I wouldn’t hate you. I’d just roll my eyes ever so slightly at you. You wouldn’t even notice. Lol

      I quit my job yesterday. I’m in a bit of distress. But what else is new? πŸ€·πŸ½β€β™€οΈπŸ™„πŸ˜¬

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  1. Hmm, being single sucks, being in a relationship sucks but at least you’re not alone I’m those sucky periods. Women have to work twice as hard to keep their heads above water and why some guys don’t know this is beyond me.

    I watched my mom raise the four of us after dad got shown the door so I got to see firsthand how hard it can be as a single woman and raising kids – not even pretty by any stretch of the imagination. I can’t even say she made it β€œlook easy,” not with four kids with four very different personalities – but she made it work until she met someone who was gonna have her back.

    It’s easy for those who aren’t having financial problems to wonder why others are struggling and the worse ones are the ones who have never struggled a day in their lives. Sexually/emotionally traumatized? Sure… since men are usually responsible for both things being present in women to begin with and I don’t know why men don’t understand that… but I really do and it often shames me to be a man and deemed guilty by association in such things.

    I open and hold doors for women… because I’m supposed to – duh. Chivalry isn’t as dead as reported.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Chivalry is not dead.

      It amazes me how much judgement is around divorce still. Single moms shoulder a lot of anger from people. That’s the part I never expected. Like, I knew it would be hard (even if I didn’t understand how hard), but it’s the lack of respect. Like we are now a pariah. Like that stings a lot. When you tell someone you’re divorced and their nose crinkles up just so and you can feel the judgement. I never expected that because divorce is so prevalent. It caught me so off guard when I first started experiencing it and being a minority didn’t help. I love when guys ask me if all my kids are from one man? Or how many baby daddy’s I have? Or they are surprised I had them all from the same man, while married to him. Like that shocks some men. The judgement is the worst of it. Because I’m not expecting help. I’m not wanting handouts or sympathy; let alone pity. Oh well. It’s one of those until you’re in the other person’s shoes you’ll never get it. But I’m glad there are people that do understand and are here for me. Like you. πŸ₯°πŸ’–πŸ’‹β£οΈπŸ™πŸ½

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      1. Being divorced is a stigma and I’m not sure when it came to be one but I heard one of my elders, back when I was much younger, go on a rant about getting divorced and how it really meant that your vows before God didn’t mean anything and the people getting divorced didn’t have what it took to stay together, for better or worse and all that.

        I don’t recall what got that conversation started – it’s just the part I heard before I got chased out of the room – children shouldn’t ever be present when adults are talking – sigh.

        Divorce is so common in this country that it isn’t funny and we find it strange when a couple stays together for longer than five years… and divorced women get shat upon more than men do. Got kids? Say what? Only one baby daddy? Really? How weird is that? The perception is that divorced women are needy, incapable of taking care of themselves and all that other bullshit and, in particular, if she’s divorced, it’s her fault that she’s divorced.

        It never, ever fails to amaze me how many “modern” men have a very old mindset about women and a very shitty one at that.

        The truth is even when you promise “forever” to each other, nothing is forever; another truth is that people change over time when it’s expected that you never change even if you have reason to: You stay married no matter how much of a cluster fuck it makes out of your life. If infidelity invades the marriage, you stick it out no matter what but, at the same time, conventional wisdom (ha, ha) says you divorce that cheating bastard/bitch ASAP.

        Those same asshole men who’d be shocked that you’re a divorced mom would also find you highly desirable despite busting your ass about being divorced; the only woman who’d be more desired is one who is still married.

        Divorced people don’t want pity or much in the way of sympathy other than it being said it was a shame it didn’t work out. Being independent means not wanting handouts – but it also means being able to swallow your pride and accept help when you need it and when offered unless, you know, getting divorced made you into a millionaire.

        And there are people who just don’t get it… and a lot of them have never been married so they tend to say a lot of dumb shit that you’d do well just to ignore because they don’t know what they’re talking about.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yep. Agree with all of it. I have a hard time with pride swallowing. That’s a lesson I have been learning the hard way lately. Having to ask for government help. Very humbling, uncomfortable, stress inducing and highly upsetting, but I’ll do whatever it takes in the best interest of my children.

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      3. I’ve been there, too, and ditching your pride is really tough and humbling. You never want to do things this way but you also have no choice and the alternatives suck a whole lot more.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. My momma taught me that bitches love doors, so if you hold it away from them you’ll have something they want.

    Seriously though I hope you overcome the lonely pangs! Sex alone is ok but it’s the mental spark two pervs can create that really satisfies that itch. :p

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sweetheart I’ve had a great day and now I’m looking forward to what the evening may bring.
    Personally I find it natural and easy to be a gentleman, holding open doors is second nature to me. ❀❀❀

    Liked by 1 person

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