It’s amazing what others see clearly that one doesn’t see, chooses not to, or simply can’t acknowledge.
I have been disrespecting myself. I have been insulting my natural abilities. I’m guessing because they have (in my mind) brought me a lot of grief. They have seemingly left me shrouded in more doubt and mystery than comfort and ease. And sometimes my abilities have left me completely dumbfound as to why and how.
I didn’t want to take responsibility for them. I didn’t want to really acknowledge I had these abilities. I wanted to shut them down because of fear and also mostly because of lack of control over them.
At the beginning of the year I was so excited to embrace my spiritual being and explore it deeper and further than ever before. Then I had some wild and weird experiences and I let it go…… subconsciously. I walked away from actively using them. I walked away from trying to hone them and just went about my business as if they weren’t even there.
It was last night at the empath meeting I realized I had been doing this and that it was all based around me trying to hide from my own self.
At one point she gave us a quiz. It was 44 questions that would loosely ascertain our empathic capabilities. As she read them, most were yesses but some where things I used to do but learned to avoid and thinking about them and how they used to make me feel before was unsettling. It made me realize how many walls of avoidance and isolation I have built around myself to avoid dealing with other people’s energy, emotions and distress.
I was in fact, causing my own issues. Because I have not been acknowledging these gifts. Instead, I have been cowering from them. Because I have not been embracing them (and such a core part of who I am and all the things I’ve seen and experienced in life) I could not stand strong within myself. Because I was shirking away from an intricate part of who I am and denying it, it became a weakness instead of an asset.
I am porous. I have these abilities that yes, I don’t always understand and don’t quite know how to always control but me sitting on the sidelines squelching them down is the exact opposite of what I need to be doing.
I feel like the door was shoved open and a light was let in and it feels safe again to go that way. I don’t have to avoid it or draw caution tape around it anymore. I want to embrace it again. Now is the time. Now is the place. Right now!
And it feels good. I woke up today feeling much lighter than I have in a very long time; though nothing has really changed. From last night to this morning nothing has shifted; except for my own perception of myself.
I am now choosing to honor myself. I am honoring my abilities. I am not running from them anymore. I am not trying to hide them and hide from them.
Now…I’m not sure what all this means or how it will present or make things different. This is just the first step; acknowledgement and true acceptance. This has been a lifelong path for me. This has been the elephant in the room all along. I’m excited again. I’m feeling settled.
Alright divinity…….here I am. This is me. I am honoring this part of myself. I am standing tall and firm with it. Thankfully I have nothing to prove and no one to prove it to, besides myself. And I’m here for it. I’m here for myself. Finally! Geesh. Took me long enough.🤪