Optimizing my life

People often through my life have credited me with being ingenious. I enjoy the accolades but the truth is I’m just lazy. If there is something I don’t particularly want or enjoy doing, that still must be done, I try to find the most efficient way to do it.

The way that will have me expend the least amount of time and energy on it; while also trying to get it done to achieve the minimum specifications required, if no above that, just to be safe. This way I don’t have to go back to it, for rectification, modification or improvements.

I can be done with it. This was the lesson I learned when my dad used to tell me “if you have to do something, do it right the first time”. Only he came to it as a source of pride where I take it as a form of simple logical expediency. Having to backtrack in life is never generally fun or practical.

Right now I am not running my life optimally. I am hanging on by the seat of my pants. It’s a very uncomfortable feeling, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t familiar with it. The fact is I am much more comfortable with this kind of scenario than a life of monotonous boredom. But…..this isn’t the norm I want to keep enduring. I want more stability, more normalcy, more permanence or at least a successful facade of that for the kiddos sake…. because realistically nothing is ever truly imperturbable.


I was invited to join an empath training series, starting next week. I accepted because I had decided earlier this year I would show up to whatever I got invited to that even remotely resonated with me spiritually. This event states:

“The Conscious Empath Series is an interactive, educational and fun exploration of where you are on the scale of empathy and how accurate your ‘readings’. We skill build, expand our intuitive capacities and beautifully blend them with your intellect to rest in a place of synthesis. This is where we can naturally rest in knowing, not reacting. Acknowledging, not burdening ourselves with responsibility.”

I was telling Pam, who will be teaching the class that my main concern is how porous I am. I particularly don’t want to pick up other people’s pain, but there are other issues to this too. That’s just no fun for me and it’s probably the main reason I stopped actively doing healings. She said that would be touched on.

There is also the thing with intuition, in that it has no timeline. So what one picks up can be a future, past or unknown to the recipient possibility. So how can one know it’s accuracy. It’s not so cut and dry.

But I will have no expectations…. it will just be nice to be part of a community of like minded women. I enjoy women only events.

It’s nice to share a safe space; where there won’t be much (if any) vengeful, petty, agressive or jealous behavior. I was telling her how “safe spaces” are an underrated necessity in this world.


I have only a few days left to get this paperwork submitted for the loan mod. I am not necessarily procrastinating as much as making sure it’s even viable. I hate wasting my time and energy. Oh. I said that already. 🤪🤪🤪

Here are some other “ingenious” people.


I hope one day people realize the vaccine issue is mostly propaganda and has more to do with pharmaceutical profits than the greater good and people wake up to that. I hope. Because the anger and lack of compassion and respect for anti-vaxxers (like myself) is really quite putrid behavior. If you want your kids to have 100 vaccines go for it. Leave my and my kids bodies alone though. Herd vaccination is not a valid scientific truism. I’m sorry. It just isn’t.

And I’m going to tell you the same thing that I recently told someone that asked me to confirm my spiritual understanding of God and backup what I stated to be true by citing bible scriptures. I said, “I know my understanding of God within myself without needing to rely on documents and books. If you need sources for yourself or before you find merit in anything you hear go find them yourself.” I’m sure that won’t prove difficult. There is a lot of information and disinformation circulating out in the world.

I know how the body works intrinsically, because I understand it pretty well. I actively listen to it. I listen to others too and I’ve seen for myself the detrimental affects of vaccines and I HAVE studied the literature in depth, just like I have read the bible. But people will believe what they want to and it’s not my job or desire to get into heated arguments with people who don’t really want to listen anyway.


I’m still mad that Brad and I can’t discuss things like politics, racism, sexism, capitalism etc. It really makes me sad. I’ll never know exactly how and why he feels the way he does about these things except to know it’s very opposite to me.

I guess it is what it is and I just need to accept it. He doesn’t want to go there. I should know it will be like fueling a fire of contention, but my mind doesn’t work that way. If I didn’t care about him I wouldn’t want to know his opinion at all. But I’m being naive I’m sure. It just shouldn’t be this way.

How is one suppose to grow? How are we suppose to connect if there is such a huge chasm between us? Even if we are opposite sides we should still be able to discuss these things; we should be able to understand where it came from and accept and respect each other’s opinions.

Doesn’t mean we won’t argue or be angered, or feel strongly about it. Those are normal human reactions and emotions. Why can’t we learn to express them and find a place of understanding for each other? How else do we expect to learn from each other? How else do we expect to progress to a place of acceptance and living together symbiotically?

I’d rather face the fire then walk away from a smoldering pit. There should be a way. We should have tolerance, even for the intolerable. We can’t all stake our flags in the sand and never concede anything, ever or listen to the other side. I don’t want to live my life with blinders on. They call people like me snowflakes sometimes, but it takes courage to stand up for yourself while allowing others their own decisions and opinions for their own lives.

I don’t find the need to police everyone always and have people bend to my will. That kind of tyranny is more cowardly to me than any “snowflake” behavior ever could be. I a no bully. I am a humanist. I believe in the good in people. I believe in the Divine in all of us. People can believe what they want, this is just me being me. I’m thankful to have that opportunity and I’ll take it every chance I get.

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

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