I took a huge amount of pot tonight. Laying in bed and it’s barely eve 9pm. It was a rough week. I’m so tired of listening to other people’s thoughts, literally… not just those I sense when I’m out and about. (You know what I mean.)
I wish I had someone to get stoned with and fuck and talk about stupid stuff with. Like what was the worst time you ever had food stuck in your teeth and didn’t know it, or toilet paper on your shoe or something equally, stupidly embarrassing.
And watch movies and stay up and watch the sunrise with. I guess I love the falling in love part of spending time with someone. Not that I don’t absolutely love when you get to a place of just being really comfortable and also full of love.
I had a date tonight. He cancelled. Then I planned another thing and that fizzled out.
When I used to work a regular Monday through Friday gig I would go out every Friday night; religiously. Didn’t matter who it was with or where or whatever. It was mandatory. No matter what else I needed to do that weekend. Friday was going out night. I felt that again this week and it didn’t happen.
It was my way of celebrating I guess. Maybe that shows to what extreme I hate working. Lol. But it was and felt like a necessity to me. Like fine, now I’m free for a bit. Yay! It was a party. Maybe I am just way too easily entertained. That was good for me though. That made it worthwhile, in my eyes. I suppose I drank a lot more then too.
Now I want to start trying to be more social on pot. Maybe I need to find a stoner friend. That sounds really fun.
Fortunately 3 days of work shouldn’t make me antsy to get out. It’s more manageable. It doesn’t overwhelm me. I’m so used to working from home in my own environment and while it most definitely is work (cleaning real, in person, hands on, shit for a living) it’s easier on my psyche. Anyway.
As soon as I get a check I’ll submit my paperwork for mitigation of my mortgage and hope they can get me a temporary loan modification. I’d ask for long term but that seems much more unlikely to get and I’m used to living with extreme difficulties it seems. So what’s another deadline? 🙄🙄🙄
Thank God for pot!!!