It’s my two year anniversary on this blog. These last two years have been monumentally hard…..it’s was like everything before was just the build up to this. And now it feels like the avalanche is finally ready to come down and hopefully clear out all the debris and make a fresh start.
I finished my first day of training. It was easy, everyone was nice, low-key. I still cried on the way home. Then I sat on the sofa having a mini pity party and I thought of the older man I spoke to recently at an event. He told me how he goes to interview for IT jobs and he knows more than the millennials running the systems and yet they won’t give him a chance.
I’m really not sure what he expected to get from me with that information. I looked him in the eyes and said “yea, age discrimination is a real thing.” and just walked away without giving him time to respond. I wasn’t trying to be callous but I wasn’t in the mood to follow that lead or bitch about all the issues in the world as they pertain to him, or me, or anyone else really. Shows you just how solid my networking skills are. 🙄🙄🙄
The cat has been marking my things: my bed, my shoes, my clothes. It just irks me. It stinks so bad. Why, just why? Do I need more issues in my life? Do I need more struggles? Do I need more to deal with?
I think I’m going to choose to think of this 2 year anniversary as a half way mark. 2 years from now I hope to be in a totally different place in life: financially stable, in a great relationship, having some meaningful and fun friendships and also the time and energy to spend quality time with my kids. None of which I feel I have right now.
2 years is a blink of an eye. I know exactly where I want this road to go, I just have no idea what the path looks like to get there or where it even is. I am so in the weeds right now I don’t even see a path, but I have faith that someway, somehow life will open up for me.
Maybe I just need to blast the avalanche down once and for all and stop trying to carry this all on my shoulders. What is the worst that can happen if I just let go? Hmmmmm.. I don’t know…. but I guess a mom, 3 kids and 3 pets living in a minivan isn’t exactly the best option.
So back to training I go tomorrow. Hopefully I won’t break down in tears again on the way home.