I went to the CFNM (clothed female, naked male) event early yesterday. It was fun. The men ran the gamut in age, race, size, education and experience. We played games, a good deal of which involved them dancing for us. It was considerably even more fun when you take into account that it was a dry, day event. My favorite part was lining them all up and smacking them each on the ass. Simple fun delight; my own spanking line.
I saw my two favorite Domme’s there. One who is very sweet and maternal, yet can be effortlessly strict when needed. She leads a lot of events and knows more about the lifestyle and history of Femdom in Portland than anyone I’ve met. The other Domme is just a firecracker. She makes some amazing toys and when challenged will gladly humble a man before her with excruciating pain and a wickedly sweet smile. I adore and revere them both deeply.
Then I went on a couple outings/errands still dressed in my attire. Thigh high boots, leather skirt, bustier, leather jacket, full wig, make-up, the works. All in black. I had my “I am ignoring the world” vibe. It syncs very well with this look and I rather relish that aspect of it. It is Portland, so I didn’t feel out of place. But then again, the wild child in me really doesn’t give a #/$*@.
But, it’s also not like I was trying to just stroll into an Orthodox Church like that either. Lol Even though that does sound like fun. But I don’t go trying to make people uncomfortable or disrespect them purposefully. We share this great big world and I’m not going to be ashamed to walk around in it, dressed however I happen to be dressed. People put way too much emphasis on something so trivial. Which is another reason to embrace nudity.
From there I went home and Brad picked me up and we went to Privata, Portland’s most upscale and expensive sex club. I can’t say it compares to the underground one as I have not been and I haven’t been to all the others either. From what I’ve gathered they are a bit raunchier but also more alphabet friendly (lgbtqia), even though there were some clear bi-lesbians there last night.
We actually got a room nearby so we could drink and enjoy the night together.
At the club we immediately, upon entry, bumped into a gentleman that was volunteering. He zero’d in on me in the most appealing way. He was very charming in a way that felt very genuine. He was actually a huge part of me enjoying the evening, his attention absolutely made my night.
It was a bit depressing being with Brad. I don’t know how to explain it to him without hurting him. He doesn’t seem to understand. It’s not that I don’t care about him and dont want to see him but being with him is a constant reminder that we aren’t meant to be and all the reasons why just keep popping in my head over and over when we are together.
So much so that he will say or do something irritating or juxtaposed to my inklings and I won’t even say anything, because why bother? I’ve given up completely and now I guess we are whatever this is. Fuck buddies I think. Even though he still calls me his girlfriend. I guess it’s better then him calling me his wife.
He said to me last night he will never let me or my kids starve or be homeless. Yep, great, thanks I suppose. I guess it’s nice to have a safety net. Other than during my marriage, I’ve never had someone to depend on in any fashion. I only ever had me. Truthfully, I have a really hard time accepting help because it sometimes come with strings attached. I don’t mind tit for tat situations that are clearly delineated but sometimes people come calling for things you never would have agreed to beforehand.
I’m just not sure what to make of us honestly. He did pay for everything and handed me some flash cash, unexpectedly and the night was very fun.
The club was packed, absolutely packed. The age range was on the younger side, so maybe the economy is booming after all.
So this volunteer kept seeking me out, bought me a drink, chatted with Brad and I throughout the night and I even let him touch me. I could sense how much pleasure it was giving him feeling my skin on his hand. I even let him graze my bare ass a few times. His desire for me, the look in his eyes, it was very captivating. He gave me his number. I guess we shall see what comes of it. I’m not on the hunt for more sex, or any really. But it is nice to be so lusciously desired.
Brad and I left the bar after a little thinking we would be back for the opening of the third floor (the public sex floor), but we never made it back. Which is just as well because he woke my ass up before dawn to take me home. He was worrying about his dog and I understood but I was so hoping to enjoy a morning of room service breakfast in bed. Such sweet luxury for me that I rarely get to indulge in.
Well……. that’s all I’ve got for today.
I have a full week of training for my new job starting tomorrow. I have not gotten paid so little per hour in over 22 years, but this job will work into my life easily and it’s the tangible paperwork I need to satisfy my lenders, hopefully at least…. and if not I won’t feel bad quitting. I am just one of many hires, completely replaceable.
Gloomy and rainy today. I am enjoying it. I think I’ll even go sit in it for a bit with a hot cup of tea.