I remember reading somewhere a suggestion to write your epitath or eulogy rather and work your way back from there in life. I’ve been thinking of that a lot the last few days. Which is an odd thing to think about considering I can’t even clearly see 3 months into the future.
Right now I feel like I’m failing miserably at various roles in my life, bit if I can pinpoint what I want the end game to be, maybe now won’t feel so fucking hard.
I have a lot I want to do: places to go, things to learn, experiences to have. So it’s hard for me to narrow it down. What most clearly comes to mind is being a monk. However that almost seems laughable. For starters I don’t see myself being chaste or single forever. Secondly I hate religious orders. I can’t see myself subscribing to any one of them, nor even founding one. It goes against some of my very core beliefs about greed, indoctrination* and class systems.
So I’ll keep at this. I mean heck. I can theoretically rewrite it every frickin week if I want. It’s not set in stone and I’m not actually writing something that will be used. Its an idea. It doesn’t need to be perfect or accurate or stress inducing.
I’ve got to sit with it a bit more is all. It seems something that could help me tremendously right now; spiritually, emotionally and mentally. And those are all things I value and need.
So expect me to be writing that soon. Just don’t laugh please. I’m really gonna try to let loose. 😋
*specifically when talking about a religious environment that doesn’t let you question or criticize those beliefs.