Brad – another dick pic

There’s that whole God closes a window to open a door thing (or however that goes). But πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„

It’s still hard.

Brad came over the other day, after not seeing him for over two months. We went to lunch. It was fun. We only got in one little tif when I mentioned that Palin was getting divorced. I thought it was a juicy little piece of unnecessary gossip. I get that we all like that, even if some people use it cruelly.

It’s also just information, even if inaccurate. I was specifically intrigued by the reason stated for the divorce: incompatibility of temperament. I had wanted to share it with him. I thought it was funny. Not funny for them. Divorce is hell. And I realize I have seen it so I do have an actual compare and it really isn’t, but it is its own form of hell here on Earth (and we had a kitchen table divorce). But anyway, funny in the “conscious uncoupling” way. Like how many terms do people need to explain a divorce?

So he starts in with “The liberal media has nothing better to do….” with this snarky, angry tone in his voice and I said “wait, so if Hillary got divorced the right wing media would ignore it?”. Then he has to mention the difference in popularity. I wanted to say “everyone knows who the fuck Palin is!” but maybe I’m wrong.

Doesn’t seem wrong. First woman in my life that was almost elected to that cabinet since I’ve been able to vote and cared. But there have also been two generations after me already so who knows.

So anyway. I said something, not as snarky back. He apologized and agreed with me. It settled fast.It wasn’t that. Not even by any long shot. It’s that I am not emotionally invested anymore like I was before. I can’t explain it exactly. It doesn’t feel like I’m guarded, it feels more like I’ve relinquished that dream and the feelings that came with it are starting to become memories.

That’s not to say we didn’t have sex. I just couldn’t orgasm. We tried for 2 hours and nothing. Yet I orgasmed within 3 minutes of him leaving. I had been turned on. I used every trick in the book during. We both did. He had this toy on part of the time. It had spikes inside.

He lasted hard the entire time, even when he didn’t have it on. I’m guessing via Viagra. I didn’t even ask though. I just assumed.

I honestly don’t know if it’s me, him or both of us that I couldn’t cum. He used to know how to make me cum very easily. Eventually I did get really juicy, but at first he was like a teenager just pumping away at me. I let him but it just made me so sad that we have never and probably never will make love.
Later we did sustain eye contact but only while role playing being my daddy and fucking me as if I were his real teenager daughter. Telling me it’s alright to like it because it feels good and how he watched me bath and play with myself and asking if I did it to tease him. And I realized he is just one huge sexual trigger for me now*.

But you know…….it doesn’t matter why we couldn’t make it work. Does it? If it can’t be fixed. I’m losing the person who has been my closest friend for the last year and that’s hard. He has some very good qualities. He helped me a lot. He also helped me see how painful my issues still are. Helped me to see that little girl wanting attention, who was still buried deep inside.

This isn’t to say I don’t want BDSM or daddy play. But Brad no longer feels like a warm soft cloud of love to me. I miss that a lot. I miss lots of things about him. He would look at my washing machine and fix it or help me get a new one if I asked. But I need to just end this. It seems more painful talking right now than not talking.

So I will have to just keep jiggy-rigging this machine after every cycle. Fun!

I love shooting myself in the foot. So noble. Well….at least shooting onself in the back isn’t a thing. Lol and hey……I gotta be true to myself. Maybe one day Brad and I can be friends, who knows what the future brings.

That’s the beauty and the crux of this experience. It’s probably the part I secretly love the best too. It’s what gives me eternal hope, just in general.

πŸ™πŸ½πŸ₯°πŸ’–πŸ’‹πŸ˜‰β£οΈ

—–

*as far as my childhood trauma surrounding sex.

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

13 thoughts on “Brad – another dick pic”

  1. Next, when the magic is gone, sure, you can still have sex with him… but it’s not the same as it used to be. You both can pull out every trick in the book and… no fireworks, exploding planets, nothing, and because your brain has mindfucked you in a very insidious way – he’s not “The One” so sex with him ain’t worth shit. All those things y’all probably used to do together to produce toe-curling orgasms have been turned off and put on lock down.

    And ya might have been wondering, some time after the fact, why you decided that having sex with him was such a good idea when, during the post-coitus review, eh, shit, that sucked.

    Not to worry: It’s something a lot of people do and, methinks, more so when their sexual desire for someone is tightly tied to their feelings for and about that person. You lose that connection – and even though you know Brad could screw your brains out at will – and, well, nothing works as it once did.

    We don’t “reset” ourselves when the magic is gone with someone. We know that things between us and that “ex” have drastically changed but, yeah, sure – to continue having sex with them off and on makes sense because they’re someone you know and they know how to push all of your right buttons… but that disconnect puts the cover back over the buttons and jams the lock so the covers can’t be removed; no buttons pushed, no orgasmic bliss.

    Gee, why did I think this was what I wanted to do? Well, because you wanted to do it – duh – but your brain had other thoughts about this and, again, because we tightly tie our emotions for someone to sex; the “rule” is that sex is best with someone you love so, um, if you don’t love them, the sex ain’t gonna be all that.

    What’s really happening is that thanks to your traitorous brain, you’re not really thinking about sex itself – you’re thinking about sex with him and that will effectively shut you down. Sure, a little of the old magic might slip through but not enough for the results you use to expect with him to appear.

    I’ve been asked, “How can you have sex with someone you don’t have any feelings for?” and for me, the answer is easy: It’s sex and if that person has gotten my lust’s attention, what other feelings are needed? Lust is, in fact, an emotion but one we’ve deemed has no real value.

    Again, we’re mindfucked into believing that no emotional connection makes sex empty and meaningless… and that’s because we don’t think about the act itself; we don’t reset our POV about having sex and, as such, you can’t make love with someone you don’t love all that much anymore.

    And it’s a lie. We hold true that “fucking” is emotionless sex – it’s just lust, we’re horny, and “fucking” is just a means to an end. “Making love” is different because our feelings of love for that person is engaged and, well, it’s all good… but I’ve been of a mind for a great many years that there’s no real difference between “fucking” and “making love” outside of what our minds think about this… and we get blinded to the fact that no matter what you wanna call it or why you wanna do it, it’s still sex… and if you can’t get yourself hyped up to have sex – and because it’s sex – well, something’s wrong… and it’s usually inside your head.

    I could go find one of my exes and either “fuck” them or “make love” to them and despite my feelings for them being involved because it’s sex and, even better, sex with someone I’m familiar with. What I know is that whatever caused us to break up will be firmly in their mind and can effectively shut them down because like so many other people, they wouldn’t be thinking about the act itself – they’re thinking about me and whatever disconnected us.

    And, no, it’s not really because I’m a guy and prone to being a slave to my libido – it’s because I reset my thinking a long time ago; sex is one thing, sex with emotions in play is something else but shouldn’t negate that primal urge to have sex and because it can be done. An ex came to me one day (and after a messy breakup) and said, “Let’s do it one more time for old times’ sake!” Big mistake because the disconnect was very prominent in my mind and, I think, hers as well so we went through the motions, did all of the things we used to do and while there were results, eh, it wasn’t like they used to be.

    And I asked myself why… then I figured it out, reset myself, and it hasn’t been a problem for me going forward. We’re told not to make the mistake of lumping love and sex together so that one doesn’t or can’t work without the other – everyone does it… except me – don’t know about anyone else who can do this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think not enough time has passed and I’m still hurt about it not working out and investing so much of myself and I can’t separate my emotions from it yet. Maybe the day will come but we aren’t there. Usually I’m excellent at compartamentalizing, especially sex. But over the last few years this has been a bit more difficult.

      But I agree with you in that lust is a very powerful elixir and should not be undervalued. That connection can make for some rather potent experiences.

      Well. I’m just learning new things about myself and how my mind wants to connect more to my body and how it’s doing so with or without my consent. Lol

      Like

      1. Is it really a matter of time? Well, yeah, but in terms of how long it takes for one to process stuff – in this case, pulling all of the plugs to effect a total disconnect. Okay, that makes sense… but what does that have to do with getting laid?

        And therein lies the problem a lot of us have – we don’t know or believe that getting disconnected has nothing to do with getting laid – it’s one and the same and, yea, verily, many of us refuse to obey our urge to get laid unless there’s a connection in place…

        Because we believe there has to be one and we’ve been told as such. And I maintain that it’s a lie and sometimes, we know it is but we go, “Yeah, but…” and then start justifying our lack of action or when we take action in this particular situation, bleh, it wasn’t all that, wasn’t like it used to be, so on and so forth.

        I’m old… and I’ve learned some shit. There’s the way things are supposed to be, then there’s the reality of things and those two things aren’t friends with each other. Could you have had sex with Brad and had a fun good time? Yep. Did you? Doesn’t sound like it to me… but I know why you didn’t have fun because I’m old and I’ve learned some shit about this.

        It’s not so much compartmentalization – which we kinda automatically do; it’s taking a good look at those two very different things – supposed to be and reality – and embracing the reality and understanding that what you believed isn’t really as correct as you believe… and a lot of people can’t do that. The reality says that when you want to have sex – and no matter who you’re having it with, you should be enjoying yourself like it’s illegal. The way it’s supposed to be? Sex isn’t enjoyable with someone you don’t have “feelings” for or you’re in the process of pulling all of the plugs.

        It’s like priorities. One priority – and a major one – is to have sex; next is having sex with someone we can have an emotional connection with… except we put the second thing before the first – and you should, like I did, really think about this disconnect and why it exists.

        Then ask yourself if it makes sense.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It’s too much work and effort for something I don’t have to get from him. I can get it easily elsewhere. It isn’t all about sex. I’m sure you know how easy sex is to get. Again. A full Rolodex, plus a plethora of toys I’m not worried about it.

        But I appreciate your point of view all the same.

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      3. And no. It wasn’t unpleasant. I’ve had sex. Tons of sex. More than the vast majority of people and many more ways. I’m in a different place in life. I want intimacy and depth, something more real and tangible and emotional than just sex. Not that there won’t be a place for just sex again. I’m just not looking for that right now.

        Like

      4. The difference between what you can and what you can do because you just can and it causes a major difference as well as a major disconnect – but few people can see this because what they want trumps everything else.

        I’m just saying that it shouldn’t.

        Liked by 2 people

    1. Uploaded. They can be as far in or out as you want though. He of course had them in all the way. They didn’t break skin. He said he enjoyed it. It’s not really a beginner toy. Lol. He was into CBT (cock ball torture) before we met so……yes. Fun!!!

      Liked by 1 person

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