I know how to be okay

within myself. I know what it takes. I know what I need to do. I know what my parameters are for that. But that doesn’t make acquiring the necessities of life any easier. Solving that one intangible doesn’t make the tangible obligations of life easier. It just makes it all much more bearable. I don’t know how many could persevere given all I’ve been through in life without my stubborn determination to find peace within myself.

That said….. today I was rude to the service tech that came to look at my washing machine. He went on a monologue of how the equipment works and how my assessment was not logical or probable and I cut him off and threw him out after he made it very clear he was not going to help at all.

Funny that I don’t feel that bad about it. I didn’t personally attack him. I didn’t curse him or belittle him. I simply stopped him mid sentence by telling him “We’re done. Where do I need to sign?” as I escorted him out.

No hard feeling. I was just over it all. He was doing his job to the best of his capabilities, probably. I can’t say for sure but I’ll give it to him. Sure. The machine logged no error codes. He can’t do anything. Ok. So leave. We were just wasting each other’s time and I’m sure he has better things to do, as do I.

I wasn’t going to sit there and be lectured about how wrong I am and why. I’ve had this machine for 2 years. I know what it’s doing. This was a free service call on an extended warranty I purchased. Sooo…yea. His 15 minute evaluation was about what I expected, I suppose.

I’m just frustrated about everything really and reaching a point where it’s all feeling like too much. Like it’s too hard here. Primarily I stay to try to build stability for the kids and stop moving them around once and for all. Secondly, I don’t want to lose the money I invested. I put it all in this house and business. My retirement and savings; all of it.


I made a new plan with the score mentor yesterday. I was excited as I left his office to have another possible avenue to help my situation but I’m completely ambivalent about it today.

Then I went on Reddit and made a post asking for advice and I got two kind replies that suggested I try to get more help from the government or move to a more affordable location.


The little one is home today with a tummy ache. I heard her moaning in her sleep last night. I’m sure it’s her reflux/constipation combo acting up. I’ve got to sneek something into her juice. She doesn’t like to take anything. It’s a major issue though and I’ve got to try and figure this out. I’ve got to get her on board with the things I know will help her.

It’s all a struggle right now. It’s all feeling so fucking overwhelming. I think I’ll do a long meditation and yoga workout this morning. I need to work on grounding myself and lifting my spirit. Tonight I’ll take a mass dose of THC to help settle my nerves even more.

This will pass. I know this. I’ve just got to hang on and keep moving forward one step at a time. Staying positive by sheer force of will or trying to at least. God help me.


Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

4 thoughts on “I know how to be okay”

  1. One of the things that irks me to no end is talking to service people. Sometimes, I’ll run into a computer problem that I can’t fix, not because I don’t know how to fix it but I no longer have the necessary tools to fix it. So I call… and wind up letting them know that I probably know more about the problem than they do so stop talking to me like I’m a clueless user.

    It helped when I started putting that right up front – the only reason I’m talking to you is because I don’t have the tools you have because if I did, we wouldn’t be having this conversation so let’s stop fucking around and talk shop so this can get fixed.

    Some technicians get offended but I get it; you assumed that the people you wind up talking to don’t know what you know… then you find yourself talking to someone who does know – and knows your job because they did it and at the highest level of support.

    I don’t get nasty; because I did do this shit, I do know what it’s like to talk to users and, yeah, many are quite clueless… but in my old age, I find that I’m not always as patient and understanding as I should be.

    Yep – some techs are quite happy knowing that they don’t have to resort to “baby talk” when discussing a problem with me; they appreciate that I’ve done all of the troubleshooting steps – and some they might not have thought of – before calling them and it’s on me to make sure I tell them these things if I don’t wanna be treated as a dumb user.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yea. It sucks. I usually try to learn something. I let them talk. But I wasn’t in the mood today. I wanted it fixed and when I realized he wasn’t going to do that I just wanted him gone. Period. Don’t say another word. I’m done with you and completely dismissed him.

      It’s great you are so mechanically inclined. I’m sure it’s a help in those circumstances.

      Liked by 1 person

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