I see my children navigate their school days. It’s hardest for my most emotional child. She is both hyperintelligent and hypersensitive and once she learns to control and use those to her advantage she will be much better off. But we aren’t there yet, not even close.
And as much as I want to tell her things will get better when she grows up and that all this turmoil will not follow her in life….I simply can’t. Because I know that the truth is…… adulthood can also be pretty lame, only maybe (sometimes) in a more subtle way.
As an adults we don’t always know who is hurting or helping us, where the alliances lie, and who truly controls the strings and pushes the buttons. We aren’t always privy to it, but the drama and gameplay still exists none the less. Whether we care to acknowledge it or not and not playing doesn’t exempt us from it entirely.
I know because most of my life I’ve tried to steer clear of other people’s soap operas, but they still play out and I still get swept up in them sometimes. I’ve learned to have acceptance of that, but it took me a long time to understand this. This is not something I think I can impart to her yet.
So I’m just going to try to help her get through this with help from people far more knowledgeable about the things she is going through than myself. But with ample hugs and support to let her see she isn’t alone. I’m not sure what else I can effectively do.
I can’t ever remember truly wanting fame. I was just not something I ever wanted in life. Of course who doesn’t want the spoils of it, but I understood the sacrifices of it far too well, even as a teenager. Plus, I have always had very deep introvert tendencies, which I never fully understood or acknowledged until recently.
This explains why I always loved people watching and going on solo adventures, watching movies, reading books, museums, working out, cooking/baking, garage sales. The things I’ve always enjoyed the most have been things I can do alone, pensively and mostly in control of the stimuli coming at me.
When Louise Hay told me I was going to be a famous speaker at first I was like ok, cool and then I was like nope, can’t, not me. So much so I contacted her to complain about it. Lol. That was in another blog I realize but it fits this theme.
The theme is that all I wanted (my entire life) was my own little family; a quiet happy home life, with stability and simple happinesses. But…..it’s never come to fruition. My life has, so far, always had some underlying madness to it. And it’s not that I want to fight it, or even control it, I just want it to end… once and for all.
But can we ever fully escape the evils of this world? Because it seems to me that even if we can control the evil within, we don’t escape the evil outside ourselves.
I don’t have answers. I don’t have solutions…..yet…..
I have acceptance. I have peace. I have contentment.
And for now that’s more than good enough…..
but I’m not giving up on the questions. Because they are important to me. Most what everyone thinks matters in life truly doesn’t. When you strip it all down. I’ve lived though too much to be fooled by it all. But I aim to get to the bottom of this….. to lift the veil, push back the script and write my own saga. I don’t want or need fame for that.
But we shall see….shan’t we.