How can I help vs I gotta take care of me?

“Before I bring my need, I will bring my heart.

Before I lift my cares, I will lift my arms.” – Lauren Daigle


New York can be an invasive little city. I’ve had to remind myself today a few times that “I am peace with the world, even if it isn’t necessarily always at peace with me”.

Earlier in a post I said the rats and roaches ruled over Manhattan. I lied. There are a lot of Jews here. Not to compare those, and as I’ve said before I have no reason to have anything against them but I did find it funny how there is a plaque here honoring them a block from my aunt’s place. It got me thinking why have the Jews, who have been here so much shorter than black people, advanced so predominantly in this country.

I suppose it’s for many reasons. For one, some of them came with money and trades/education. Secondly they have white skin and consequently haven’t been as (historically) heavily and systematically persecuted, third they are a very close knit community with no outwards signs of infighting. None of which the original blacks of this country can say.


I went and took a walk to the river. Here is the view.

Its beautiful!


I saw a trans homeless man on my walk there. My heart bled for him. I had no cash. He didn’t engage me. If anything he stared at me up until I was close enough to speak to and then he looked away as if ashamed and lost to it all. It was the sad endcap to a sad trip.


On another unrelated note….

The sex club had me thinking about valuing my sexuality vs letting it be my only and highest value. There is that fine line between relishing and enjoying it and letting it define me, which I wish young girls understood better.


I’ve been wondering how do I take care of myself while holding a space to be of service to others when needed and possible. I think my best answer is to follow my heart and know that while I am my greatest ally there is space for everyone in my heart and with my actions. And my heart will dictate what to do, when to do it and even how…..if I let it…if I listen. It always has been a good guide.


I’m just ruminating. It’s a wistful evening. Winding down. Probably going to lay down soon. Wake up at 3 and start getting ready to go.

Kissez to you all.


Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

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