I’m miserable and I’m only here visiting. I get to leave in 4 nights, which truthfully isn’t soon enough. I got in an argument with my aunt last night. I told her she needs to come home with me. I can book her on my same flight. She told me she could not do that for all good reasons. 1) I am not in a stable housing situation myself. 2) her only happiness is going out every day to get coffee and she would not be able to do that on her own where I live. 3) all she knows, her life, her doctors, all of it is here.
I wanted to cry but I was too angry and heartbroken and had a huge headache. There is mold all over this place. I had to buy her a new shower head because it had black mold all over it. I haven’t been able to shower. White mold, black mold, everywhere. My feet are so swollen they hurt. My head hurts. I realize now I truly am still very sensitive.
She thinks there are mice and fleas. I am the queen of getting bit. If there is anything that will bite: fleas, mosquitoes, spiders…they will come for me. I have not been bit or seen anything beside one tiny cockroach. She bug sprays incessantly (when I’m not here) but last night I saw her spray it on herself when she thought I couldn’t see.
She tells me she makes too much for someone to come to her, like someone to clean or help her with cooking or whatever. I guess the government cap on that program is about $700 and her monthly social security payments are a hair over that, but she can’t change that. And she doesn’t make enough to pay for someone on her own either. Fucking asinine system!!!!!
She worked her entire adult life here in this country. Being a model citizen, paying taxes, she was a clothes designer and mostly an awesome seamstress to the top design houses here in the mecca of fashion in the US. Yet she has been left behind. What can’t I do? I feel so helpless.
My nervous system is revolting against being here between the chemicals and the mold. But I guess I’ll keep doing what I was planning on doing and help her clean as much as possible. The ceilings are 10 feet high, decrepid and moldy and there is absolutely nothing I can do about that.
Sometimes I really hate this world!!!
But the rich seem to be planning their escape. Lol. Ok. Yea. Have fun with that. Reminds me a bit of the movie Elysium, maybe I shouldn’t have considered it fiction, except instead of a spaceship they get their own nice shiny new planet. I didn’t finish watching it truthfully so I can not say how that ended.
It all ends with death. Doesn’t it?
Sorry to be so morbid. That’s just where my head is today. I’ve got nothing uplifting to say. Except…..
God bless us all. 🙏🏽🌈🦋