When I was little my mother and I lived in the barrio a number of years. She hated it. I didn’t know any better and it wasn’t as violent as Compton or East LA or other LA gang neighborhoods. I never saw any traumatic violence. My neighbor across the street harbored fresh illegal immigrants, mostly women and young children that he then abused. No one liked him but he would sit in his yard all day and knew everyone’s business and garnered some weird fear type respect from people. I have some stories about him, but that’s for another day.
I remember at one time we had an invasive fruit fly problem, supposedly, that local officials were worried about. It was all over the news although I don’t remember seeing them myself. This frenzy caused them to come and blanket our neighborhood with low flying crop dusters that sprayed chemicals on us. Everyone was in an uproar. For one, even though Orange County at that time still had some agriculture it was nowhere near us.
The residents, mostly immigrants, had a deep distrust of the government but also this absolute fear that left them voiceless and paralyzed to do anything about it. I remember the day it happened too. My mother told me to stay inside. They covered every square inch of the air above us. They passed over and over. It was so bizarre and scary to me. They were flying so low and it was so loud.
Today I see this and it brought back those memories.
The news article goes on to paint this horrible, drastic, panic inducing horror story about it.
I’m torn. I really, really wish I could believe the media and trust the government, but realistically I just don’t. I don’t feel they’ve earned that. If anything it’s quite the opposite unfortunately. And once you lose trust it’s almost impossible to get back.
I try to get my kids to understand this, because it’s a very simple and fundamental truism, that is easy to forget and brush aside when one is interested in furthering one’s specific interest or cause. The consequences of lying can be very great and it isn’t one most people can simply walk back from. The cost can be devastating and ever lasting, but it’s a hard lesson to learn. Most people tend to learn it the hard way….present company not excluded.
The girls asked me yesterday separately why I was sad. Maybe I was sad, but I’m also just tired. I was trying to see Brad this week but I guess I wasn’t trying that hard because I refused to drive to his house. He also didn’t want to drive to me, citing some decent explanations… which most people would allow a pass on…. but I’m not most people. If he truly wanted to see me he would have made it happen. So there we are people. Officially. The towel has been thrown from both sides. A bit superfluous, granted, but it is done….el fin.
Do I care? Well….. obviously. I’m not some emotionless heathen. I know he’s suffering too. These things are never easy. I’ve got too much to do to pine about it, and I’m also ever hopeful that someway, somehow, what I truly need in my life will present. But, if it doesn’t……. it doesn’t.
There is so much to do in life, so much to see, so much to experience, so many ways to find happiness. The options are only limited by my own ability to explore and see them. There are circumstantial limitations of course, but we all have those to some degree. No reason to bother myself dwelling on them. Life can be a grand adventure and I refuse to see it any other way.
So yes….maybe a bit sad. So what. It’s perfectly normal. I’m not going to sit here slathering myself in self-pity. That’s just a waste of time. I’m going to open my ears, open my heart, open my consciousness to what’s around me now, in this space and time and move forward. Viva!!!!!