It’s a meme day

I haven’t seen Brad in a month. We’ve barely talked and dwindled down to almost no texting too. He knows he is in the friend zone.

But I’m craving snuggle time and I would like to see him. Except he’s an hour away and I’m also feeling very lazy. I don’t think he wants to make the drive to come get me. His back is still out and me friend zoning him has him depressed. Ho hum.

There is a song called “what if this is all the love you’re going to get?” and just the title was enough to send me into a bit of a tailspin the other day. I’ve always said, better alone than in bad company. But Brad isn’t bad company.

I was watching Seinfeld’s Netflix comedy show with Seth Rogan and Seth says….. I go to parties and I am not one of those people that go over the line. Like no one has to worry and hold their breath wondering what I’m going to say. But as a comedian I do go to that line and dance around on it. (- paraphrased, I can’t remember the exact words). Brad crosses that line often, especially sexually and while I probably shouldn’t care and why should it bother me, it does and I do and it’s an uncomfortable position to be put in and I’m not the kind of person to shut my mouth about it, especially with someone I know and care about. And ugghhhhh….

What’s a girl to do? Some people pay for cuddles. Lol. I guess in one way or another we all do. I suppose for now I’ll just have to go without.

Ok.. way too much to do to be in a funk today. I have to call for service on the washing machine but I’m way too embarrassed to have someone even see my laundry room or the rest of the messy house. πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„

eBay work to do. I slept 10 hours. Making up for the lack of any sleep the night before. Physically fine, emotionally low, mentally so-so. Guess it about evens out. I’ll take it as a win. Mr. Rogers told me I already won anyway. 😝

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

10 thoughts on “It’s a meme day”

    1. IDK. Even that sounds too “official”.

      I just miss him and I don’t want to lose him in my life but things were not going to go anywhere so……. what was the point of pretending they were. I don’t care what’s “in it for me”. I can’t be anything but myself and totally honest. I can’t lie. I cant pretend, even when it’s for my own sake.

      I could have dragged it out. Let him pay for my groceries. Let him give my daughter a car….on and on.

      But I gotta sleep at night. I gotta live with myself. I can’t be what he wants me to be. He kept calling me his wife. He kept wanting to be around my kids.
      I am about as non-cimplicit of a person as you can be. I’ll burn every bridge and surround myself with fire before I bow to something I don’t believe.


      1. Okay, I can get with that… but when you say that things were not going to go anywhere, where were they supposed to go? Okay, there’s the direction he was going in and you’re obviously not cool with that so I’m guessing he wanted more than just being a friend with benefits but you ain’t feeling that?

        I’m thinking that if you miss him and don’t want to lose him (in that sense), maybe it’s time to just sit and talk about what it is you really want and need from him before you go all kamikaze on him and yourself.

        Just saying. You still gotta do what’s best for you but if you really want to avoid losing him, well, figure out a way not to let that happen.


        1. Kamikaze? Lol. What’s that look like?

          He isn’t one for deep talks and much less for self analysis. I’ve tried. There is a disconnect in our communication styles I believe and neither of us is capable of bridging that gap. The funny thing is….we both accuse each other of being selfish when I don’t think either of us truly is…at least not with each other. Lol. It’s laughable except it isn’t. It’s sad.

          Not much more I can do I feel that I haven’t done to try to get this to a place where it works for both of us. So maybe it’s time I just resolved myself that it’s over in all senses, even as friends. 😣

          Liked by 1 person

          1. When you’re burning bridges and immolating yourself in the flames, that’s kamikaze big time in my book.

            Failure to communicate will kill any relationship and, more often than not, both people feel that talking about shit ain’t worth the effort and more so when the other person avoids deep conversations like the plague. In my experiences, if you can’t communicate openly and effectively, your relationship is fucked and never in a good way.

            So, yeah – when you get to that point where there’s nothing else that can be said or done, maybe the relationship has taken its last breath and had died. If, in your heart and mind, know that it’s over and there’s no reviving it, then, yeah, ya just gotta get that worked out in your head and think about moving forward from there.

            And it sucks big time and more so when, for the most part, things were going good or in a way you were okay with.

            Liked by 1 person

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