(clears throat) I’m trying to be asexual over here

Darcy lured me to some fundraiser for football. I figured it will be boring and I would feel a bit out of place but she tells me it’s a poker tournament with real cash prizes. So, for the kids right? That is why everyone opens the door for girl scouts isn’t it? Can’t just be those cookies. Lol

It actually was fun, but I don’t get out much either. I didn’t want to call it a night. So we went to Coopertown and had a drink and met a guy friend of hers. Mr. I could be on a calendar for working guys…… yum. I know. I can be a pig. All ways. Lol

Neither of us put in any much effort really; it was nice just talking to him.

The highlight of my week was the “Mr. Perfect Husband”. So stereotypically a perfect specimen of a man’s man, the jock. The guy every boy wanted to be and every girl wanted to fuck. Because it’s funny to be so bad at this game to me. I don’t even try. He was so much to look at. I liked his energy. Slightly aggressive but in all the right ways. You gals know what I may mean, if not I know my gays will. Heck, he’s probably like that with everyone. Just a nice guy, maybe used to getting what he wants.

And then his ultra hot and fit wife who is also nice…….like I’m not sure if I want to fuck you, hate you or be your fangirl……both of you. And at one point she looks like she’s had enough of his shenanigans, like talking to me so long like this. It meant nothing really. I think. He was telling me how bummed he was she wasn’t coming to see him play Rugby. I mean, if anyone deserves a fan club……I’m just saying. Does he take off his shirt?

I absolutely do not do married men though. Even for money as Darcy was telling me to do. Not even. I told her when I tried to Pro Domme some guys wanted me to do some bodily fluid exchange. The illegal kind, mild by all factors of course. That was all I had to consent to. I turned it down. Then I decided I really didn’t want to be in that position again. Maybe if it wasn’t illegal. Maybe if I wouldn’t be branded the town slut (but I probably am already). Maybe if I was actually going to enjoy it, which most men can’t seem to do it to my liking and I can never orgasm that way. Just makes me want to have sex at best and bored at worst. (😬Yes ooooohh…ouch…may be part of the reason why Brad called me frigid.)

All things considered I haven’t had that much sex with that many partners for my taste since being single 3 years ago coming off a 15 year cycle of extreme sex deprivation, but then again I also follow a few female bloggers who make sex with strangers an art. They do it religiously, just for the heck of it. Supposedly at least, not for money or anything at all. Those are my kind of gals, I just like that they can do that. So proud to live in that kind of world, but maybe they also orgasm through direct penetration alone which less than 15% of women can do. Maybe they are the lucky few.

Thankfully I’m not or I’d probably be out doing the same. Lol. Maybe. Anyway. Still not with married men although one of these women doesn’t draw that line. I just don’t see what’s in it for them though honestly. Not to sound like a barterist but I mean seems a waste of time and energy to me for no end game win. No positive factor. Who wants that and why? You really want to go home alone or with a stranger every night? That just seems kind of lonely in its own sad way.

Maybe as a service to humanity. Hmmmmmmmm….. wish I could find a man to service me to humanity. Lol. The American Dream. No….wait? Hold on. Ummm… Yea. I like the original one too.

So…anyway… sexy hubby of the year was telling me to go watch his Rugby league. Free food, beer and some single guys, young ones. I almost wanted to ask exactly how young, but I wasn’t sure how it would come off? I’m trying not to act thirsty here too people!!!!! Asexual. Right?

Jeezus. It isn’t fair to pin any man with all my many issues in life. So then what, just sex. Even then what if we move. It’s all so much to deal with for someone new. Hey.. this is my pony show so I’m not gonna start freaking out about it myself here at any point. It is what it is. I’m just hoping for blue skies.

Saddle up. Let’s go. 💋

Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew myself...here that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

10 thoughts on “(clears throat) I’m trying to be asexual over here”

  1. One of the things I’ve always found interesting is how men, when things get chaotic, wanna have sex while women avoid it. I know when my life gets chaotic, jeez, I wanna screw like my life depended on it. It’s probably a reaction to the stress… and sex is a great stress reliever.

    I know women who turn to sex to deflect chaotic moments and I’m thinking the thought here is getting laid redirects their thought processes so that when the sex is done and reality reasserts itself, the chaos is still there but they can battle against it with a lot less stress and a clearer mind.

    I think we – humans – get into stressful situations and out of some kind of habit put everything else on pause while we tend to whatever’s stressing us; in effect, it stops us dead in our tracks when we should always be in motion even after having to take a couple of steps backward. It’s a hard habit to get out of; I know it took me a couple of years to learn how not to let chaos make me stand still which allows other things to start falling through the cracks. My last really and serious chaotic moment – having a stroke and recovering from it put my education to the test.

    I’m stoned out of my mind from the pain meds I was taking, stumbling around trying to relearn how to walk and I went to our live-in girlfriend and said, “Come on… I’m gonna fuck you!”

    She said, “How can you think about that at a time like this?”

    “I need to move forward and get back to trying to be normal… so let’s go.”

    We went and that’s when I found out a few things. One was my dick still worked – I was very worried about that. The next was bust a nut was now feeling so intense it scared the shit out of me – it was worse than the first time I busted a nut and then I had thought I was dying. Next was after the dust settled, I felt more focused, my head was clearer about the things I had to do and, um, because of an interesting side effect of the medication I was taking, I was still very hard… so I boned her again and really because before the stroke, I spent a lot of time fucking her so this was just me getting back to normal.

    Afterward, she said that it made sense to her for me to not think about having sex and only concentrate on getting better but the way my mind worked after learning not to deflect or allow myself to stand still, I couldn’t agree with that. Later, after screwing my wife silly twice, she said the same thing and all I said was, “What do you think I’m doing? This is me getting back to being normal.”

    I think the mistake we make when chaos comes to visit is that we do stand still and put all other things on hold when we really shouldn’t; it then puts us in a position to have to play catch-up after chaos is sent packing and that’s not always an easy thing to do.

    Even if chaos is hanging out with you and some eligible bachelors are giving you thoughts of throwing it down on them, well, maybe that’s what you should do instead of allowing chaos to hold you in place and make you do a whole lot of nothing other than pay attention to it. It’s not a thing of being a slave to sex although, in reality, all humans are and we jump through a lot of hoops trying not to be; instead, it’s really just being who you are when chaos isn’t around and “telling” chaos that it’s not gonna put your life and activities on hold. You gotta deal with it but you do have other things you need to be doing and that requires your attention and that should, in my opinion, include sex and more so if/when you’re used to having sex in those non-chaotic moments.

    Just my fifteen cents worth; at the end of any day, you gotta do what’s best for you.

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    1. A live in girlfriend???

      Ok. Wow. I want that. A husband and live in boyfriend. Sounds like heaven.

      Ummm. Yes. Sex…..

      Ok so….when I have sex I am all in. Whoever it is, wherever I am, all situations….I am in the moment enjoying the fuck out if it. Orgasm or not. I am beyond tactile and I eat it up. But….. I’m enjoying my time not feeling the overwhelming need for it. I feel a calmness surrounding sex I’ve never felt before. I love it. I still know I will have tons of it. But it isn’t mandatory. It’s not necessary and right now I’m ok without it. Which trust that I’ve never in my life since age 15 said before. I’ve always obsessed over it, craved it, dreamt of it, panicked over it, fantasized about it, looked for it, watched it, looked for it…..you get the point. Not to the point of danger but definitely been a huge part of my persona. I am no longer there. It’s a really nice feeling. Actually.

      And too. I’m a single mom with two businesses and a house to maintain. I do not hardly ever stay still or let the chaos freeze me. Plus I’m too much of a “roll with the punches” type of person. Life goes on. I don’t let it stagnate me. I just take a breath and keep going. That’s the only coping mechanism I know really.

      I know you’re coming from a good place and making me understand that sex is more than acceptable and enjoyable but necessary and I agree. But…..for the first time in my life I’m not using it as a coping mechanism and I’m not obsessing about it and I’m not feeling deprived. So maybe for most people who don’t understand the awesome benefits of sex for sex’s sake your words are something they need to hear. But for me personally I am ok. I really am.

      But ummm…… how do I get your set-up? Any words of advice? Lol

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      1. Sounds like heaven? It was… and very much not so heavenly and I can tell you that being married and monogamous is easier. There’s a very long story connected with this and one that can’t be written here but as far as advice goes, one, you gotta be able to get your head around being polyamorous while setting aside a lot of monogamous things and many people who have tried this have catastrophically and spectacularly crashed and burned trying to be polyamorous while using monogamy’s rules.

        I tell people that to be able to do this, you have to unlearn everything you’ve ever learned about love, sex, and relationships in order to learn a whole different way to go about this. What do you need? You need people who want to travel this road with you, people who are gonna want to be not only invested in you but invested in the whole crazy relationship. There’s a lot of very hard work involved to keep the negative emotions out of the equation, like jealousy, envy, possessiveness, etc., and that’s not easy to do and even harder to keep under control when you’re dealing with different personalities and mindsets along with their wants and needs.

        You have to master problem and conflict resolution; you also have to master communication as well as time management; you’re one person trying to take care of the needs of many other people while taking care of your own things that life has imposed upon you.

        I will say that it was the best thing I’ve ever done… and the craziest thing I’ve ever done and experienced. I devoted over twenty years to this with a wife and two girlfriends but all things end eventually and, to be truthful, I miss it terribly – being monogamous sucks and not in a good way.

        But if you don’t have a vision – an overall goal and purpose – to have a husband , a live-in boyfriend and even, eventually, a live-in girlfriend, you’ll find this to be the hardest thing you’ve ever tried to do.

        I also tell people that if you’re not grown up enough to grasp the wide open concepts of this, don’t even try it because you’re gonna find out that you and the people around you aren’t as grown-up as believed.

        If you think “me” more than “us,” you’re gonna fail. In this, it’s not so much what “I” want or what “I” want to do – it’s what “we” can do as a conjoined entity and in every aspect so that “we” can flourish in this extended family setting.

        And obviously one must have their head in a very different place where sex is concerned. Some people believe this is only about sex and it really isn’t but sex is a vital part of any relationship and you might not believe how complicated it can be and how what others are thinking can cause quite a bit of chaos by evoking feelings of being left out, someone getting more than someone else, shit like that. This is where all those skills I mentioned are really and seriously needed and come into play.

        Okay, while you think about that, yep, I get what you’re saying but I will say and maintain that even if you’re of a mind that “life goes on,” doing what you normally do is part of that going on process but, yeah, sure, I do understand how women can be about sex and how they’ll just walk away from it… and while wondering why they did. I don’t doubt that absenting yourself from sex is making you feel pretty good but caution you not to think of having sex as a coping mechanism – it’s just what you do when chaos isn’t trying to stop you dead in your tracks. You have sex because you want to, need to, and simply because you can and while taking a break from it is all well and good, it’s still a part of life going on, rolling with punches, stuff like that there.

        Chaos is trying to fuck with me and, okay, it’s got my attention and I’m gonna deal with it… and, hopefully, without deviating from doing what I always do and, yep, that includes getting laid when either my mind or body says I need to get laid – because that’s just a normal part of my life and chaos notwithstanding. Yep, some of this is just me being male… but I recognize this aspect of myself and I don’t fuss about it – it’s like asking myself to not be myself, if that make sense. I have to be who and what I am even if chaos comes to visit because not being myself isn’t an option. Doesn’t mean that I’m gonna ignore the chaos and get it dealt with to the best of my ability but I’m also not gonna allow it to steal any of my joy in the other things I have to do even with chaos poking me at every turn.

        And I’m tickled pink that you’re okay – I just wanna make sure that you really are okay and you’re not falling into that hole where women, when faced with chaotic instances, choose to be celibate and as if that’s gonna help things; they do this and, amazingly, bitch and moan about not wanting to get laid while somehow justifying their decision to be celibate.

        And women wonder why men think they’re insane? So if you’re okay, I’m okay but I will point this out to you just the same.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you. As eloquent and we’ll thought out as always. I appreciate your insight.

        I want to start an exercise routine. This may seem to have nothing to do with sex but I helps relieve a lot of those same tensions.

        And honestly if someone presents worth the time and effort I will absolutely give it a whirl. Why not? Life is too short to have any kind of absolutes. I’m not saying no to sex, I’m just saying it isn’t a priority or even on my mind really, but I’m not purposefully driving it out of my mind either.

        The post the other day was just my way of saying I’m human and I was believing myself to be asexual and I’m obviously very much not. Lol

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      3. Yeah – why not if you’re able to do it? Life is way too short not to do all you can and want to do whether it’s a priority or not – it just being as human as you can manage to be. When I had my stroke, I realized a few things. One, it could have killed me but it didn’t and that if there was something I hadn’t done, now would be a good time to do it having a second chance, as it were.

        Nothing like a near death experience to wake you up and motivate you to live life with much more fullness, huh?

        You… asexual? I seriously doubt that and I don’t pretend to understand anyone who prefers to be asexual and in the literal sense – without sex. I kinda understand that being asexual is more of a gender related thing but still one that doesn’t make sense to me – how can you be asexual but still have sex?

        People are weird…

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Lol. Can you be asexual and still have sex? I guess so. I have a friend who doesn’t like sex but has it to appease her husband. I don’t get it but I guess I get it except I would figure out a way to enjoy it. Personally.

        I enjoy sex so much. It means more with someone you love but not necessarily always. Lol.

        I’m just not in a roll.in the sack with the first person to come along mood. Is all. Me. Personally. Not where I am right now. Suits me.

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  2. All interesting points.

    There are many reasons I’m not trying to have sex right now. All of which are fine with me. I’ve had plenty. I will have sex again. My life is a bit chaotic right now and while I’d love the release I just am in such a place of uncertainty that I just don’t care about it right now.

    I’m not avoiding it at all costs (except for married men). I’m just not worried about it and I was enjoying that feeling of not caring about sex. But then this morning on the drive to work I start fantasizing about it and I’m unsure about it all.

    I’m I. A go with the flow mode and the flow had been no sex, no men, no dating, no nothing and I was a-ok with it until you start dangling eligible bachelor’s at me and then……

    Well anyway. I say no to married men but I don’t judge. Each person makes their one choices. My choice doesn’t stop others from making their own.

    I love sex so much, but I’m not a slave to it as much as I feel I used to be and I’m enjoying that tranquility surrounding sex I’ve never quite felt before. But I am human. Lol

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  3. I’m not sure what to make of all of this but I found it interesting just the same. Is it really sex for the sake of sex – you do it just because you can? Nah, not really… but should it be that way? I dunno – we’re just too weird about sex like how having sex with someone who’s married is either the thing to do or something to be avoided at all costs. Is getting into the seriously freaky shit fun? Eh, yes and no – but we’re still weird about “regular” sex so anything that goes beyond that is either horribly fun and exciting or should be avoided at every turn.

    Is it always about having orgasms… or should it be more about the sexual interaction and intimacy itself that should take center stage? Depends on who you talk to; those who are fans of sex and just because you can do it with someone are all about the interaction and the intimacy and if there are a lot of orgasms, okay, that works. Those who have specific goals and targets in this are like, “If you can’t or don’t make me cum the way I want and expect to, all you’ve done is waste my time!” And since those folks are of a mind that no one is capable of consistently inducing toe-curling orgasms, there’s no point in doing the nasty because it’s just going to be disappointing.

    Is it fair to saddle anyone with one’s life issues? No… but it is what it is for all of us. There is no one who doesn’t have issues and we understand that whenever we engage or interact with someone, that person is going to have baggage just like we ourselves do – now it’s just a question of how much baggage are we talking about and whether or not it’s gonna cause major problems. Even “just sex” comes with its own special kind of baggage because it depends on why you’re (not specifically you) are out there having loads of sex; are you doing it because you love having sex or is there some baggage in your closet that’s “making” you do this?

    Does being thirsty make you the town slut or dog? Again, depends on who you ask and giving, again, how funny people are about having sex and the conditions under which we’re “allowed” or supposed to have sex. In my mind, everyone is fair game, you know, as long as they’re legally able to consent to sex because, um, it’s sex and about the interaction and intimacy of it while, hopefully, inducing orgasms and because those puppies just make it a lot better… but not so much if the “reason” you’re having sex is just to chase orgasms. Methinks that having this as the main focus tends to make orgasms hard to achieve and then we tend to look for a specific kind of feeling… then get all bent out of shape if it doesn’t happen the way we want and expect it to.

    My first and ex-wife, with permission, screwed another guy and we talked about it in detail and she confused me when she said, “He made me cum… but I didn’t like it.” I asked her to explain this and she did her best to but the gist of it was he didn’t make her feel the way she wanted and expected so, yeah, he made her cum… and she was left feeling some kind of way about it and it wasn’t good.

    What I told her was if anything, if someone makes her cum, that should be seen as a good thing… but if you’re expecting a specific feeling, you’re always going to be disappointed. One the other hand, when she slept with women, that was a whole different story; I don’t recall her ever saying that some chick made her cum and she didn’t like it… and I’m not really sure what the difference was although I have some ideas about it. The thing is that if you’re into a “just sex” mode, having exacting expectations can make this kind of sex boring and disappointing.

    Trying to be asexual with this writing? I don’t think you really managed to do that but I’m not surprised. Still not sure exactly what you were trying to say to us – but I liked it and I appreciate this peek into who you are.

    She had asked me whether I found any of my encounters boring or disappointing… and I think she got pissed with me when I said that I didn’t – and that’s because I never expect anything other than being able to have sex. She said, “What, so as long as you bust a nut you’re good with it?”

    I said, “No – sometimes I didn’t bust a nut but that’s not the goal for me; it’s being intimate and enjoying the intimacy of sex and if I bust a nut that’s fine; I don’t cut loose and then think that, nah, I didn’t like it. Yeah, some of the women I’ve been with since we started this are just complicated to have sex with but I’m having sex with them – and that’s the whole point, isn’t it?”

    “So you could fuck anyone and be fine with however it turns out?” she asked.

    “Pretty much; the goal for me is to have sex with them. I’m going to do every and anything I can to give them orgasms (even when I was told that they never had one) and that’s both the challenge and fun of it. If I succeed and make them orgasm, great, but if I don’t, well, they might be upset about that but for me, I had sex with them; I was very intimate with them and that’s the high point for me.”

    She wasn’t happy about that and I’m still not sure why but what I think is that she was looking for… something and wasn’t happy that those men she slept with couldn’t deliver it even if they did make her cum. I still think that sex with a specific goal or reason makes having sex a lot less fun because you just don’t really know if the person you’re having sex with can deliver as expected and I think that this is why someone could make her cum and she found it not to her liking (except with women but I think I now understand that).

    Liked by 1 person

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