I was thinking about Aaron because of my last post. When I met him I was just starting a new business. But I was so head over heels I put all my attention on him and let the business go. He didn’t outright ask me to, although it was apparent he didn’t really believe in my vision. I was ahead of the times, as per usual anyway so who knows how it would have gone and I wouldn’t give any of that time back with him anyways.
Just like with Brad. So while yes, I’m in a bit of a bind right now…… I had a really spectacular year with him. We have had some extraordinarily great moments together. I have gone through some things I needed to go through that I may never have confronted on my own. And age has taught me better, I didn’t let go of my own dreams while being with Brad, but all the same….. we just weren’t going the same way.
Where I had wanted to turn left a few times, the car turned right. Whether I was driving or he was driving or fate was driving is irrelevant here. It is my life, I could have jumped out of the car if the need had to be that and I didn’t. So here we are. I take full responsibility for all of it, even though it wasn’t just me involved and I wasn’t the only one driving. But not taking responsibility would put me in a victim mentality and we all know how much I absolutely loath that point of view. Yuck!! Plus I am not the victim here. I’m just a participant.
It’s really easy to drive the car exactly where you were planning on going if you’re going solo, or at least much, much easier. Pack 3 kids, 3 pets, all the responsibilities I have had to shoulder and it’s amazing I’ve even gotten this far really. Lol
I woke up with a new mantra today.
“I love my life and my life loves me”
and in all my pig-headed glory I refuse to not see it that way, come what may. This is my life!! I can be calm, joyful and at peace within myself regardless of what transpires outside of myself and dammit that’s what I intend to be. Happy!!!
And to all those people that questioned me when they would ask me as a child and teenager what I wanted to be and I would said “happy”……to all people I say this now “😝 you do you boo’s…… and I’ll do me”.
Let’s see where this ride goes now.