Doesn’t matter who is driving, it’s my life.

I was thinking about Aaron because of my last post. When I met him I was just starting a new business. But I was so head over heels I put all my attention on him and let the business go. He didn’t outright ask me to, although it was apparent he didn’t really believe in my vision. I was ahead of the times, as per usual anyway so who knows how it would have gone and I wouldn’t give any of that time back with him anyways.

Just like with Brad. So while yes, I’m in a bit of a bind right now…… I had a really spectacular year with him. We have had some extraordinarily great moments together. I have gone through some things I needed to go through that I may never have confronted on my own. And age has taught me better, I didn’t let go of my own dreams while being with Brad, but all the same….. we just weren’t going the same way.

Where I had wanted to turn left a few times, the car turned right. Whether I was driving or he was driving or fate was driving is irrelevant here. It is my life, I could have jumped out of the car if the need had to be that and I didn’t. So here we are. I take full responsibility for all of it, even though it wasn’t just me involved and I wasn’t the only one driving. But not taking responsibility would put me in a victim mentality and we all know how much I absolutely loath that point of view. Yuck!! Plus I am not the victim here. I’m just a participant.

It’s really easy to drive the car exactly where you were planning on going if you’re going solo, or at least much, much easier. Pack 3 kids, 3 pets, all the responsibilities I have had to shoulder and it’s amazing I’ve even gotten this far really. Lol

I woke up with a new mantra today.

“I love my life and my life loves me”

and in all my pig-headed glory I refuse to not see it that way, come what may. This is my life!! I can be calm, joyful and at peace within myself regardless of what transpires outside of myself and dammit that’s what I intend to be. Happy!!!

And to all those people that questioned me when they would ask me as a child and teenager what I wanted to be and I would said “happy”……to all people I say this now “😝 you do you boo’s…… and I’ll do me”.

Let’s see where this ride goes now.


Author: porngirl3

I have always enjoyed reading and writing. Maybe because I have always been on the quiet and reclusive side; which most people may not guess at first glance or if seeing me in a social setting, especially around people I am comfortable with but it’s also not something I have an issue with. I need solitude to recharge. Writing gives me the peace and time to renew that is offered to you for your enjoyment and pleasure as well. I hope. Lol

4 thoughts on “Doesn’t matter who is driving, it’s my life.”

  1. It’s important to have a healthy level of pessimism and self critique in your life. It’s fine to look on the bright side but be practical when assessing the negative impact certain events will incur on yourself and those around you. Don’t dwell on the unavoidable, be stoic, but not blind and wilfully ignorant of what is coming. You’re a smart woman so I’m sure this all sounda very patronizing. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Hang in there. You will find an appropriate balance to the fears of reality and what brings you happiness. Remember that fear isn’t a bad thing, but rather dwelling on fear is. It’s important to recognize and acknowledge the hardships in life to minimize the damage that will be done, not just for ourselves but our loved ones. Key word here is “will” and not ‘can’ or ‘may.’

        Anxiety is great! It’s a really useful survival mechanic. Not being able to process the source of said anxiety and sort it out is what plagues us. We don’t have to worry as our Hunter gathering ancestors did about critters in the night attacking our campfires anymore. There is no immediate danger. You have time, resources, allies and information to help you prepare. And you will be prepared.

        If anything, use your anxiety and fears to motivate your actions against procrastination and just start preparing. Prepare for everything. Prepare a first aid kit for your family. Prepare a supplies bag to leave the house at any sudden notice. Prepare yourself for reality and you’ll find yourself with less and less subjects that can cause you anxiety. Do you know where the nearest shelter is? Do your children know what to do in case of a variety of emergencies? Remember, don’t dwell on unrealistic fears but have a level of preparedness covered and you’ll feel a sense of relief. Good luck getting your business in order and heart steady. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I appreciate all this but it isn’t the way I love my life. Some of these make sense though and maybe I will consider going forward but generally speaking I don’t fear all that much actually. Which is the main frustration my family and friends have with me. I’m too live in the moment kind of thing. But it’s the only thing that I know for a fact gives me peace of mind and stops the anxiety from crushing me down.

          What’s to really fear? The vast majority of the time we don’t see what’s coming for us. So we will inevitably prepare in all the wrong ways. This isn’t the military. This isn’t war. It’s life. It’s chaos and madness and ever changing.

          The only way to survive is to just plow into it and retreat as needed, when needed. There is no way I could have prepared myself for any of the hardships I’ve had in life with the tools I was given. I’ve never had it easy.

          Maybe if men and sex and alcohol didn’t exist I could have done more with my life. It’s never too late. But….I’m really not all that worried about it. Truthfully.

          I process my emotions a lot in my blogs so it does reveal my inner most emotions more than I vocalize then in reality. But then they pass or I work them through. And off we go to what the next day brings.


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